2025 Neds NFL Mock Draft

2025 Neds NFL Mock Draft

James Caughlin

Green Bay, Wisconsin is the centre of the NFL world this weekend with the 2025 NFL Draft set to take place.

256 guys will have their names called out and they will learn the location of their first NFL homes actually it’ll be just under 256 because a few will have to go play for the Jets.

Let’s not focus too much on how the NFL has turned the process of reading said names off a card into a three-day TV extravaganza and more on the fact this is going to be the high point of some team’s 2025 seasons.

But since everyone else is doing a Mock Draft at this time of year, we feel obligated to do one of our own (again).

After all, we have done our research, watched the game tape (which is all digital now by the way), dissected the stats and come up with the only Mock Draft you need to read.

Our 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024 editions were rousing successes, going a remarkable 32/32 in the first round, so you can trust these completely legitimate selections are 100% accurate.

1 – Tennessee Titans

PICK: Anyone that might make them interesting this season

At this point the Titans can’t afford to be selective about who they will take.

Since Derrick Henry left, there is a distinct lack of sizzle on this roster with a surprising number of players whose names you see and go “oh yeah, they’re still playing!”

Can they take Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney and install them as owners to try and spice things up the way they did with Wrexham?

2 – Cleveland Browns

PICK: Vontae Mack

It was always him wasn’t it?

3 – New York Giants

PICK: Someone about to be very disappointed when they realise the home games are in New Jersey

Despite being named the “New York” Giants, both they and the Jets have their training base and stadium across state lines in the Garden State of New Jersey.

One fan is at least trying to solve the most blatant case of false advertising since Lionel Hutz’s lawsuit against the film The Never Ending Story.

4 – New England Patriots

PICK: A time machine to go back to 2001

Unfortunately, the other 31 teams would be taking whatever weaponry they could find and destroying said time machine because New England made everyone’s lives miserable for 20 years… except maybe Eli Manning.

But just ask any New England fan how much they would love to go back and relive the glory days because those happy times aren’t coming back in the near future, outside of Madden maybe.

5 – Jacksonville Jaguars

PICK: A scriptwriter for Trevor Lawrence

With some questions starting to emerge about his true talent level, maybe he could also work on improving his pregame speeches?

6 – Las Vegas Raiders

PICK: Someone with a LOT of self restraint

Whoever does go to the Raiders is going to be an instant millionaire while moving to a place nicknamed “Sin City”.

And as we know in the social media age, what happens in Vegas does not necessarily stay in Vegas.

7 – New York Jets

PICK: Who cares, they are going to ruin the poor kid’s career

Imagine getting booed within 15 seconds of being selected by your new team?

8 – Carolina Panthers

PICK: Unreasonable expectations

David Tepper bought the team in 2018 and is getting very impatient with the team playing like crap.

He’s even more unhappy hearing it all the time from frustrated fans.

9 – New Orleans Saints

PICK: The future rights to Arch Manning

The Saints are not going anywhere in 2025.

Their salary cap is a mess that needs a couple of years to sort itself out, Derek Carr is hurt and their roster is bereft of top class talent.

With a below average quarterback class, why force it and instead take the guy who is related to their last first round quarterback?

10 – Chicago Bears

PICK: A brick wall

Caleb Williams took way too many sacks last season so the Bears might opt to have him operate behind a set of stationary bricks.

Will probably be just as effective as some of the linemen they rolled out in 2024.

11 – San Francisco 49ers

PICK: Someone about to be bitterly disappointed

Just over 12 months ago the San Francisco 49ers were in the Super Bowl, one injury riddled season later and this team has fallen off a cliff.

Their aging roster needs a reset and is probably a few years off competing at that level once again.

But Brock Purdy is going to get a lot of money somehow…

12 – Dallas Cowboys

PICK: Bill Belichick

The hoodie might have taken up residence in Raleigh, North Carolina to scout the latest college stars, but we all know he wants nothing more than to get back into the NFL.

Dallas went for the underwhelming Brian Schottenheimer this offseason but we all know Jerry Jones is on the lookout for the next big fish and it would make sense to get Belichick on the roster now.

13 – Miami Dolphins

PICK: A weather machine

When it works in Miami, the Dolphins are one of the most fun teams to watch as they run around in the Florida sunshine.

But as winter sets in across the US and the temperatures drop, those track stars start to move a little bit more slowly and the Dolphins get found out.

So what better way to combat that than by acquiring a machine to make sure every game is played in warm and sunny conditions.

We’re not calling them soft but if the puffy overcoat fits…

14 – Indianapolis Colts

PICK: Someone to party with Jim Irsay

The Colts owner is a properly loose unit and loves to party no matter what day of the week it is or what city he is in.

Who knows what will happen if he gets control of a microphone this weekend.

15 – Atlanta Falcons

PICK: Someone who knows how to hold a lead

It might be a cheap shot to keep bringing up the Falcons inability to hold a lead but we’ll stop making those jokes when they stop being funny.

The Falcons might have embarked on a new era in 2022 after the trade of Matt Ryan but when they keep giving up touchdowns like this you know they still haven’t totally moved on.

Perhaps turning the team over to Michael Penix at quarterback will make a bit of a difference.

16 – Arizona Cardinals

PICK: An agent from the Men in Black

Not for anything to do with alleged alien life forms in the desert, just to erase the memories of a couple of pretty unspectacular seasons.

17 – Cincinnati Bengals

PICK: Someone who can tackle

Once known as the cheapest franchise in the NFL, the Bengals have been splashing the cash over the last few years.

This offseason alone they have handed out massive deals to receivers Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins to keep that explosive offence together.

Which is all well and good except for the fact the Bengals don’t appear to be able to afford even an average defence.

Maybe just draft someone who can make a tackle?

18 – Seattle Seahawks

PICK: Fraser Crane

Not for their playing roster, but he’d make one hell of a PA announcer and team radio host.

19 – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

PICK: Continued good fortune

The original joke here was going to be about Tom Brady, but Baker Mayfield has been pretty damn good since succeeding the greatest of all time.

It was a bit of a surprise to see them successfully defend their NFC South crown again but if things keep breaking their way, they can absolutely do it again.

20 – Denver Broncos

PICK: A player who is ok getting berated by Sean Payton

We know the guy can run a bit hot sometimes so whoever they take will have to know what they are walking into.

21 – Pittsburgh Steelers

PICK: A way to stop Aaron Rodgers contacting them

When you don’t have a starting calibre quarterback on the roster, you can’t afford to get picky… unless you have Aaron Rodgers batting his eyelids at you.

10 years ago you’d jump at the chance to bring Rodgers on board, but this version of him has you trying to work out how to hack into his phone and delete your numbers.

They’d be better off starting Mason Rudolph, even if Myles Garrett is coming for him.

22 – Los Angeles Chargers

PICK: A PR Agent

Did you know the Chargers moved to Los Angeles a few years ago?

It’s been a few years now and they still have not really had any cut through.

The people of LA have not bought in with Chargers games normally populated by fans of the opposing team happy to have a holiday on the west coast.

Of course if they start winning look for a bunch of lifelong Chargers fans who also have a moderate TikTok following to suddenly emerge from the woodwork.

23 – Green Bay Packers

PICK: A history major

Did you know the Packers have a whole lot of titles dating back to the 60’s

24 – Minnesota Vikings

PICK: A way to make JJ McCarthy good

The “other” apple of Rodgers eye, the Vikings can eschew that interest by having their second year quarterback come out and look good.

If he can replicate his college days the Vikings will feel a lot better telling Rodgers they’re good.

25 – Houston Texans

PICK: Rookie CJ Stroud

Second year CJ Stroud was more than a bit underwhelming, more of his first season please.

26 – Los Angeles Rams

PICK: A manual on what to do here

The Rams are still not completely sure what to do in the first round after a lengthy absence from 2017-2023.

In that time they fired Jeff Fisher, hired Sean McVay, gone to the playoffs, gone to the Super Bowl, traded Goff to Detroit for Matthew Stafford, gone back to the Super Bowl and won it and to top it all off, the one time boy wonder McVay has finally gone through puberty.

Either way, it was a long time since the Rams were involved in day one of the NFL Draft so they might need a bit of help, although the returns from their 2024 first round pick look pretty good so far.

It will be a bit of a departure from their usual festivities which can result in some interesting press conferences where McVay and GM Les Snead were definitely in control of their faculties.

27 – Baltimore Ravens

PICK: An anger management therapist

It can’t be good for John Harbaugh to go through life that angry all the time…

28 – Detroit Lions

PICK: A way to prevent Dan Campbell ever leaving

Just about everyone laughed at Dan Campbell’s opening press conference when he took over as Detroit’s head coach, laughing at him, calling him a fake tough guy and his intensity performative.

But boy did he prove those guys wrong.

Combined with some clever recruitment, the Lions have suddenly become one of the best teams in the NFC and might not be that far away from a Super Bowl.

Now they just have to make sure things stay positive and Campbell doesn’t go anywhere.

29 – Washington Commanders

PICK: A better team name

After all of that build up, two years of going by the kind of cool name of “Football Team” Washington once again let down the NFL world by going for the incredibly boring nickname of “Commanders” with some pretty shoddy uniforms to boot.

Two years after the big reveal it still sucks and most fans have to pause for a second to remember what they are called now.

On the plus side, Jayden Daniels at least makes them watchable on the field.

30 – Buffalo Bills

PICK: A trade to the NFC

Anything to avoid the Chiefs in the playoffs.

31 – Kansas City Chiefs

PICK: A Real Estate Agent

There really is not much the defending AFC champions need, maybe a lineman or two.

But their most pressing issue is actually surrounding their stadium and the upcoming expiration of the lease.

You see, the owners, the Hunts are asking the local county to pay several for hundred million dollars in renovations to Arrowhead Stadium because they just haven’t got the cash on hand… mostly because Patrick Mahomes is due to make half a billion dollars on his current deal.

Anyway, things have been said and now the threats of the Chiefs leaving their home are starting.

So what better way to show they mean business than by recruiting a real estate agent to scout out some new venues for a stadium.

32 – Philadelphia Eagles

PICK: Taniela Tupou

Philadelphia has made waves with their unique approach to the quarterback sneak play which essentially was a maul from rugby union (just ignore the fact they called it a “scrum”).

It was so effective that teams called for it to be outlawed which is as close to a sign of respect as you can get from an NFL team.

Why not add some more bulk with rugby’s most mobile prop and a guy who can rival Jalen Hurts in a squatting competition.

Philly loves their Aussies with Jordan Mailata already on the roster.