2023 Neds NFL Mock Draft

2023 Neds NFL Mock Draft

James Caughlin

NFL circles are abuzz in the build up to the 2023 NFL Draft as the experts and casual observers prepare their last minute mock drafts ahead of Friday morning’s first round.

For some the late changes will be the product of overanalysing Youtube highlights on a player for their 147th edition since early December, others just like to throw darts at a moving target to see who goes were.

The Neds team has done its own research, going over the stats, watching the game tape (which is all digital now so why call it tape?) and come up with the one and only decisive mock draft you need.

Our 2021 and 2022 NFL Mock Drafts went 32 for 32 in the first round so you can trust that these completely legitimate selections will be 100% accurate.

1 – Carolina Panthers

PICK: A companion for the mascot

Carolina brought out this equal parts terrifying and amazing VR mascot in stadium and the only thing missing was a second panther with glowing eyes and muscle definition that would make some of the players feel a bit self conscious.

2 – Houston Texans

PICK: The Future Rights to Peyton Manning’s Nephew

After a brief flirtation with relevance in the early to mid 2010’s, the Texans are firmly back in the bottom tier of the NFL after the team has been torn down to the studs.

They’re a long way from being anything close to competent so why not try and put a lay by on a quarterback who won’t be eligible for the league for a few years yet.

3 – Arizona Cardinals

PICK: An agent from the Men in Black

Not for anything to do with alleged alien life forms in the desert, just to erase the memories of a pretty poor 2022 season.

4 – Indianapolis Colts

PICK: EJ Manuel

After seeing the success the Seahawks had last season with 2013 draft class member Geno Smith, they are bringing in the Bills first rounder from a decade ago, EJ Manuel.

With performances like this, he will live up to the legacy laid down by the likes of Carson Wentz and Matt Ryan.

5 – Seattle Seahawks

PICK: Fraser Crane

Not for their playing roster, but he’d make one hell of a PA announcer and team radio host.

6 – Detroit Lions

PICK: A Thank You Card for Matthew Stafford

Normally when the Lions are picking in the top ten, it’s because of their own ineptitude but this pick actually belonged to the Rams until that blockbuster deal in January 2021.

They got to see their former quarterback win a ring last year and now he’s likely going to help them land a centerpiece player for the next decade.

7 – Las Vegas Raiders

PICK: Someone with a LOT of self restraint

Whoever does go to the Raiders is going to be an instant millionaire while moving to a place nicknamed “Sin City”.

And as we know in the social media age, what happens in Vegas does not necessarily stay in Vegas.

8 – Atlanta Falcons

PICK: Hopefully someone who can teach them how to hold on to a lead

It might be a cheap shot to keep bringing up the Falcons inability to hold a lead but we’ll stop making those jokes when they stop being funny.

The Falcons might have embarked on a new era in 2022 after the trade of Matt Ryan but when they keep giving up touchdowns like this you know they still haven’t totally moved on.

9 – Chicago Bears

PICK: Just anyone who can catch the ball

At times it felt like the Neds content team could have been thrown out there and generated as much production as the Bears receivers did last year.

And that says more about the guys that actually played than anything else.

10 – Philadelphia Eagles

PICK: Taniela Tupou

Philadelphia made waves this past season with their unique approach to the quarterback sneak play which essentially was a maul from rugby union (just ignore the fact they called it a “scrum”).

So why not dip into the Aussie game and bring in one of a guy who is big, can run and isn’t afraid of a little contact.

You can see why he’s earned the nickname “Tongan Thor” and he would be a massive cult hit in the City of Brotherly Love.

11 – Tennessee Titans

PICK: Someone to handle warm ups

Does this sort of stuff really fall under the purview of the head coach in Tennessee?

12 – Houston Texans

PICK: New Ownership

It’s safe to say that the McNair family, who brought the team to Houston for the 2002 season, are not the most popular people in the city.

13 – Green Bay Packers

PICK: A Shaman to rid the building of Aaron Rodgers’ aura

The Packers could not have made it more simple this offseason, they were done with Aaron Rodgers and they wanted him gone.

It’s Jordan Love’s team now.

14 – New England Patriots

PICK: Someone nobody has ever heard of

Bill Belichick has made a habit of going outside the box for his draft selections, so with plenty of holes to fill on his roster, what will he do?

Probably take a special teams player out of North Idaho State Community College or something like that.

And just watch as every draft expert loves it while they frantically search for the player bio.

But as long as Belichick has his draft companion…

15 – New York Jets

PICK: A Former Teammate of Aaron Rodgers

The Jets went all in and got their guy, so now they have to do everything in their power to keep him happy.

Having already signed a bunch of his former teammates from Green Bay, maybe they dip into his college days and draft a 40 year old receiver who he played with at Cal.

In an unrelated note, the Jets also released their alternate uniforms for this year and every other year Rodgers plays for them.

16 – Washington Commanders

PICK: A Better Team Name

After all of that build up, two years of going by the kind of cool name of “Football Team” Washington once again let down the NFL world by going for the incredibly boring nickname of “Commanders” with some pretty shoddy uniforms to boot.

12 months after the big reveal it still sucks and most fans have to pause for a second to remember what they are called now.

17 – Pittsburgh Steelers

PICK: Someone that majored in history

Did you know the Steelers have won six Super Bowl titles?

It’s been a while and they are now into the post Big Ben era with the hope that the austere times will not last that long.

It might be worth bringing someone on board that can remind them of happier times.

18 – Detroit Lions

PICK: A Jamaal Williams Replacement

He’s certainly a unique personality…

19 – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

PICK: Caleb Williams Highlights

It was three wonderful years in Tampa when Tom Brady made them a box office team and the hope is that Baker Mayfield will make them interesting in 2023.

Tampa might still be must watch tv next season but moreso in terms of “look how quickly they fell off” storylines.

On the plus side they can just play these clips at Raymond James Stadium as they hurtle towards the top pick in April 2024.

20 – Seattle Seahawks

PICK: An Insurance Policy

Geno was great in 2022, one of the best stories of the season as he had a career year.

But was it a mirage or is this who he is going to be?

Maybe the Seahawks want to play it a bit safe and give themselves a backup plan.

21 – Miami Dolphins

PICK: Nobody

After trying to poach Tom Brady and Sean Payton a few years ago, the NFL docked the Dolphins their first round pick.

This isn’t the first time in history the Dolphins have had to fork over a pick for illegal contact, when they signed head coach Don Shula they got done for tampering then too.

Not that Shula ever admitted there was anything wrong with how he landed on South Beach…

22 – LA Chargers

PICK: A PR Agent

Did you know the Chargers moved to Los Angeles a few years ago?

The people of LA sure don’t with Chargers games normally populated by fans of the opposing team happy to have a holiday on the west coast.

23 – Baltimore Ravens

PICK: An anger management therapist

It can’t be good for John Harbaugh to go through life that tense.

24 – Minnesota Vikings

PICK: Anyone to help on defence

Just find someone who can make a tackle!

25 – Jacksonville Jaguars

PICK: A Scriptwriter for Trevor Lawrence

His pregame speeches need a fair bit of work.

Thankfully for the Jags his quarterback play does not.

26 – New York Giants

PICK: A player about to be very disappointed when he finds out they play in New Jersey

Despite being named the “New York” Giants, both they and the Jets have their training base and stadium across state lines in the Garden State of New Jersey.

One fan is at least trying to solve the most blatant case of false advertising since Lionel Hutz’s lawsuit against the film The Never Ending Story.

27 – Dallas Cowboys

PICK: Jerry Jones’s Grandchild

It’s all in the family for the owner right?

28 – Buffalo Bills

PICK: A lifetime supply of breakable tables

2021 was the Bills best season in decades, and the fans were back in action at Ralph Wilson Stadium (or whatever its called now).

Life in western New York State is pretty good for Bills mafia at the moment as the perennial Super Bowl contenders look to add another piece to the

As long as Josh Allen is around they’ll be in the mix so they’d better stock up on those tables.

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29 – Cincinnati Bengals

PICK: A guy who is about to be bitterly disappointed

Everyone loved the Bengals run to the Super Bowl in 2021 and they remain a lot of fun to watch with the likes of Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase leading the way.

However history is not on the Bengals side however and there’s a decent chance that their run was as good as it will get.

Especially with notoriously cheap owner Mike Brown unlikely to pay out on big contracts for all of their young guys.

30 – New Orleans Saints

PICK: Kevin James

Sean Payton in Denver so why not bring in the guy who looks enough like him to play him in a movie… apparently…

31 – Philadelphia Eagles

PICK: Scrooge McDuck

They’ve just paid Jalen Hurts a LOT of money, so they need a guy to come in and teach him how to do that perfect swan dive into the pile of cash.

32 – Kansas City Chiefs

PICK: Someone Fast

Patrick Mahomes has a cannon for an arm, so let’s see if the Chiefs pick someone he can’t overthrow.

Sure the guy may not be able to separate from defenders or catch the ball when its thrown to him but he can run REALLY fast and that’s all that matters.