The Poms were insufferable and very chirpy after Day 1 of the Ashes on Friday weren’t they?
“Well, It’s all gone quiet over there. I said it’s all gone quiet over there!”
They’ve certainly shut up now after Australia dominated the tail-end of the first Test Match at Edgebaston to take a 1-0 lead in the series.
After barely firing a shot and all but being irrelevant in the Ashes for the best part of 30 years, the English have been more than competitive in recent years. But let’s not revisit the success of our arch nemesis. Why would we want to do that?
No. Let’s take a look back at the darkest days in England’s cricketing history. Moments in time when they looked like a joke. When they looked silly. When they acted like knobs. Let’s bring to the surface all the reasons we hate this country when it comes to cricket by looking at England’s Most Embarrassing Ashes Moments starting with their most recent, pathetic performance.
1st Test Edgbaston 2019 – The Fortress?
The crowd boo’d and boo’d. They had crying Steve Smith masks, cute sing-alongs that they had all got together and rehearsed and even yellow cards for some reason. They collectively did their absolute best to try and stop Steve Smith from belting the leather around their ‘fortress’.
It did not work. He scored two match winning centuries in the match and now averages over 140 in his last 12 Ashes innings.
It’s quite good banter when it works. When it doesn’t, it’s embarrassing and they look like wankers.
See you at Lords.
Bring some new songs and maybe your own tissues.
Nasser Hussain – You Had One Job
Nasser Hussain lost 13 tosses in a row at one stage during his captaincy however he won a very important one against Australia in the first Test at the Gabba in 2002.
He chose to “Give his young bowlers the best chance of a bit of grass on the wicket.”
Safe to say he made the wrong decision and royally screw his dies’s chances at winning the urn back.
Some Kid Makes Mike Gatting Look Like A Fifth Grade Cricketer
In 1993, a well established top order English batsmen faced a slow bowler from Australia who was bowling his first ball in an Ashes Test.
He was made a fool. He was made look stupid. He was made to look second rate.
It was as if he has picked up a cricket bat for the first time and had no idea what sort of wizardry had just been delivered to him.
Here’s the great Richie Benaud setting up the ball for everyone at home to enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y1hI2Tt8F8
NEEEEERDS
England managed to actually win a Test Match on Australian soil in 2013.
They then ruined it by dancing like wankers.
Aussie Burn
Glen McGrath: “Athers, it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat.”
Mike Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat, bewildered.
McGrath: “No, the other end.”
Stuart Broad Being A Cheat
He should be embarrassed for his terrible act of sportsmanship during the 2013 Ashes series in England where he fair dinkum’ cover drive it to first slip and refused to walk.
He is not and I will therefor boo him until my throat is sore for the rest of the time he presents himself on a cricket field. And probably after that.
Even Richard Dawkins was scathing on the English cheating fast bowler.
Pom Whitewashes
It’s one thing to continually lose the Ashes.
It’s another to not win a single Test in the whole series. TWICE.
This was the case in both 06/07 & then again in 13/14.
Real Edge Of Your Seat Stuff This
This isn’t an English Cricketer but it’s embarrassing and funny nonetheless.