The Harden Scale

The Harden Scale

GuyWhoLikesSport GuyWhoLikesSport

How toxic do you want to make this?

That’s the question at the heart of the final three days of the AFL’s trade period.

That question is lingering so ominously because it’s the one that I imagine each the three biggest questions marks of the trade period are asking themselves.

Christian Petracca, Zach Merrett, and Charlie Curnow each need to work out their appetite to make it truly toxic for their clubs, so that their clubs holding them to their contracts is truly untenable.

Are they in an unhappy marriage that they’ll stick out for the kids?

Or are they ready to start sleeping with the secretary and have her send their wife videos of them together.

Is it bridge burning season?

Given every AFL player is an NBA fan, they don’t need to look too hard for a playbook on how a superstar who’s already contracted to a club can force his way out of an agreement.

And every basketball player is faced with the same question at the top of this piece: How ugly do I want to make this? Both for myself, and for my club?

James Harden is the perfect player to measure that by.

He has made it both ugly and simple leaving all the various situations he’s been in.

When he wanted out in Houston, he got fat, changed his permanent address to a strip club and simply didn’t try on the court.

When he wanted out in Philadelphia, he called his GM a liar and vowed “never to be a part of an organisation that he’s a part of”.

He also got fat.

But he’s also had dignified exits.

When he was traded from Oklahoma City because of his unwillingness to sign a below market extension, he simply left and let his play in Houston do the talking.

Similarly in Brooklyn, after playing through injury and getting frustrated with the depth of Kyrie Irving’s medical research, he quietly agitated for a trade which was ultimately facilitated.

The Harden Scale runs from Oklahoma City (mutually understood parting of ways) → Brooklyn (mutually assured destruction) → Houston (fire bomb) → Philadelphia (scorched earth).

Let’s look at the three key players, and what it feels like their appetite to make it really ugly is.

Christian Petracca

This one is Harden leaving Brooklyn.

Both sides are into it and there’s no need to really sling mud in an effort to get to, or on the way out of the door.

But there’s still going to be some mud slung regardless

Petracca started slinging shit at Melbourne last year before ultimately playing out the season and has it in him to start again.

Melbourne, as well, is probably watching his cooking videos for one break of his unnerving smile that they can pounce onto show how poorly he handles pressure.

But really, like with Harden and Brooklyn those efforts will be the last straw and probably weren’t needed regardless.

Both sides want a change. It doesn’t need to be the last scene of Scarface to get done.

Melbourne has a new coach and wants a cultural overhaul, moving out the petulant Steven May, the unpredictable Clayton Oliver, and the brand conscious Christian Petracca.

Christian Petracca wants to keep smiling unnervingly at the camera while personally propping up Old El Paso’s tortilla business, and also to play for a good team.

Trading him for a decent haul benefits both sides and it feels like it gets done with a relative minimum of fuss.

Charlie Curnow

We don’t know much about this one, other than Charlie Curnow has told Carlton he wants out and that he’d like to go to Sydney.

He’s clearly telling people he’s upset but, again unlike Clayton Oliver, I’ve not seen a photo of him on a yacht with another club.

I think, even with the leaks, this is probably closest to Harden leaving OKC on the Harden scale, though it might tip to Brooklyn.

It’s OKC in that there seems to be a bidding war going on.

It’s Brooklyn in that it seems relatively bloodless.

Carlton might like to get rid of him and restart given Curnow and Harry McKay still look like strangers who have just met every time they’re on the field together.

Honestly, it might be as simple as Michael Voss can’t look at them jump at the same ball for the nine millionth time.

But it doesn’t feel like Curnow is willing to make it as filthy as he otherwise could.

Unless we see leaks about how bad the culture was at Carlton (outside of the coach who is an alleged culture guy’s best and fairest speeches) and how Curnow felt like the only professional there.

Or if he gives an antagonistic interview, his desire to get traded I reckon is unlikely to be fulfilled this year.

Zach Merrett

Zach Merrett is the guy that inspired the piece. He has the most Harden in him.

The best historical comparison for Nathan Buckley is Zach Merrett.

They have exacting professional standards, are leaders by example, and it’s a genuine 50/50 whether they’d rather play well or win the game.

Let’s look at how Bucks left the Bears.

In 1992 Bucks went full Eli Manning and said “if the Bears take me, I won’t go there” and instead played in the SANFL. In 1993 he eventually acquiesced to playing with the Bears but only on the proviso that he could go to any club he wanted after a year.

He got his way and picked Collingwood.

That’s about as ugly as any player has made an arrival, let alone departure, that I can remember.

Zach Merrett could do the same thing.

He’s already started slinging mud at Essendon, and Essendon has slung mud back at their captain.

The mud includes his teammates saying how disappointed they are in him and, my personal favourite, that Zach Merrett hates women and the AFLW.

It’s a Hawaiian stand-on business, and it’s about to get uglier.

It’s full Philadelphia

This is Harden leaving the 76ers and motherf*cking the administration as a ploy to force his way out.

It feels like he’s five minutes away from calling David Barham a snake and Andrew Welsh a dog.

The only thing Merrett won’t do is get fat.