The relationship between coach and club is like a relationship between partners. They go up and down and eventually they all end, whether by death or choice.
The only difference is that the relationship between coach and club is super public, which means they can only really be compared to the relationships that we consume on our screens.
Just a note that every club will get some form of pop culture relationship comparison except Essendon. After what has been one of the strangest coach searches in history, they seem like they’re heading toward Mark McVeigh. But truly, this is one of the strangest clubs I’ve ever known. I maintain that James Hird could still put his media arm to work again like he did with the Toby Greene leaks and almost bully the club into hiring him.
For now, though, they’re not included.
Carlton is in because if they don’t go with Josh Fraser it would be the biggest surprise since Luke Sayers’ last tweet.
Married forever – Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson if they created less weird offspring
- Chris Scott
- Chris Fagan
- Craig McRae
These coaches have jobs essentially for as long as they want them.
In the case of Chris Scott, that might be more heavily caveated by adding that he will keep coaching Geelong as long as the soft cap rules don’t apply to them as he continues to do his $600k a year for half a day at Morris Finance no-show job.
In any case, these are three of the most astute game day coaches in footy and seem to have jobs for as long as they want them. I used to think that McRae’s time might be limited to when the Pendleburys and the Sidebottoms of the world hang them up, but now with the apparent emergence of the bones of a next generation with Sam Swadling, Charlie West, Ed Allan, and Roan Steele he could guide the Pies longer term.
And, to top it all off, none of them have a Chet Hanks style kid. Booyakasha.
It’s all love and sex – Jesse and Celine in Before Sunrise
- Josh Fraser
- Steven King
Let’s try whipped cream! I got a blindfold!
These clubs and coaches are madly in love, trying everything, and it’s working. There’s no yeast infection worries here.
When King took over from Simon Goodwin in the offseason, the Dees were essentially a club in crisis. Now they’re playing the Bulldogs for a spot in the top-4 in round 24 while playing the most attractive brand of footy in the AFL in a stark departure from Goodwin’s stodgeball.
When Fraser took over from Michael Voss, Carlton really was a club in crisis. But under his tutelage, the Blues are 10-1-2 and locked into the Wildcard Round. Also like Steven King, he’s totally changed the way the Blues played under Voss and it’s worked, with every Carlton player kicking better than they basically ever have.
These coaches are teaching their clubs new things in the sack, and they’re all loved up.
Post honeymoon period but still madly in love – Dua Lipa and Callum Turner
- Sam Mitchell
- Dean Cox
Despite Hawthorn’s recent form slump, these coaches and clubs are still madly in love with each other. While neither has won a premiership yet, both were anointed for their jobs for years prior to taking it and have justified the club’s faith in them.
Also like Dua and Callum, they are a very attractive watch.
Heat could come for both if they don’t deliver premierships in the next couple of years given the profiles of the two lists. But for now, everyone should be happy with one another even after the honeymoon period has worn off.
“I’m going on a girls’ weekend to a place with no reception” – Diana Russini and her husband
- Matthew Nicks
- Alastair Clarkson
- Adem Yze
Heading into the offseason, you feel like anything could happen with these three.
All three have been different levels of disappointing this year, but all three are probably coming back next year (in the case of Adem Yze I truly have no idea why)…but.
You know.
Anything could happen.
This marriage that doesn’t even get a honeymoon period – Shiv and Tom on the wedding night
- Josh Carr
That’s how I feel about Josh Carr, who has had a uniquely difficult first year in charge.
Firstly, his troops have been one of the competition’s stoutest defences for most of the year and you can clearly see AFL-level coaching in him.
He’s like Tom walking into that room trying to compliment his new wife and finding out that he’s in a shitstorm of the highest order.
The Power are suddenly looking at a massive talent issue, only a year into Josh Carr’s tenure.
Older man married a younger woman now everyone is stuck in an unhappy marriage – Donald and Melania Trump
- Ross Lyon
- Damien Hardwick
You get married to an older guy. He gives you a good life, instant credibility, and you feel like the good news is he’ll be dead soon and you’ll get his money as well.
That’s how I feel about Gold Coast and the Saints who threw their lots in with established legends hoping to get some genuine credibility in the competition. However, both clubs must have a degree of buyer’s remorse.
Both clubs seem stuck with their lot, and none of the four parties can possibly be overjoyed.
One more bad trip and we’re in big trouble – The trip before the events of Forgetting Sarah Marshall
- Luke Beveridge
- Adam Kingsley
- Andrew McQualter
It’s pretty clear that before the events of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Sarah and Peter went away together and it didn’t go awesome.
That trip kind of put a seed in her mind like maybe I need something more.
Luke Beveridge, Adam Kingsley, and Andrew McQualter must have all planted that seed in their club’s minds this year. None have been awful and, in the case of McQualter especially, you can start to see the vision for his Eagles.
But none have been great. None have demanded to stay on long-term, even with the injuries that particularly Beveridge and Kingsley have dealt with.
This might be the trip before the trip of death.
Everything is awesome why does it feel precarious – Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut
- Justin Longmuir
Young, good-looking, extremely successful, connected to people in high places.
Why does it feel precarious?
Justin Longmuir has the Dockers two wins clear on top of the ladder and playing the best footy in the competition. He’s drilled in a sense of momentum that feels inevitable. They seem to kick six straight every time they kick two straight, all without sacrificing their defensive structure.
But he’s on a rolling contract and hasn’t been guaranteed a job for next year. Scratch slightly beneath the surface of that perfect veneer and there are some cracks and uncertainty.
That perfect looking cover looks decidedly imperfect underneath.