Super Bowl LIX Headlines We Are Expecting to Read

Super Bowl LIX Headlines We Are Expecting to Read

James Caughlin

Super Bowl LIX is the biggest day in American sport and one of the biggest events set to take place in 2025.

Naturally then, the week is filled with predictions and prognostications about what will unfold on the field.

But we’re going to go for a slightly different approach.

We’re forecasting the headlines that will make the newspapers sorry internet buzz when the reporters file their stories.

Chiefs Accurately Say “It’s Just Another Game For Us”

With most professional athletes we only ever hear pre-programmed, disingenuous lines like video game characters who can only ever offer up one or two lines based on the situation.

But for the Kansas City Chiefs, when they say the Super Bowl is getting treated like “just another game” despite all of the pageantry and build up, they really mean it.

Making their fifth big game appearance in six years, nobody on this team has had to frantically cancel their offseason trips because they were not expected to go this far.

By this stage there is nothing about the Super Bowl or the week leading up to it that could take them by surprise.

Chiefs Place Non-Refundable Hotel Deposit for Next Year’s Super Bowl

Speaking of Super Bowl experience and not getting caught by surprise, in February 2026 the NFL’s biggest game is heading back to the Bay Area for the first time in a decade.

With that in mind, the Chiefs will begin preparing for their depressingly inevitable appearance by securing the best available hotel rooms in the area.

Last time around the AFC Champion Denver Broncos stayed in Santa Clara so we should expect the confirmation emails for 100+ rooms, suites and more to arrive in the Kansas City travelling secretary’s email inbox while the confetti is still falling in New Orleans.

But in order to get a good rate, they have had to take the non-refundable option on every room and pay a hefty up front fee.

An acceptable risk to assume given their history though.

Andy Reid Caught Repeating Pregame Speech From Two Years Ago

NFL Films wanders around the Super Bowl site and captures everything, whether the teams want them to or not.

Most of the time it looks really cool, other times it captures things teams would rather not have released to the public.

Just before the team takes to the field, Andy Reid will give an impassioned speech to his team about the magnitude of the moment (kind of going against the “just another game” line) to get them ready to play.

Just one problem though, some producer thinks it sounds a little bit familiar to something they saw before in the archives.

As it turns out, Reid has given that speech the old Dua Lipa treatment, except the only person he has ripped off is himself.

When pressed on the matter, Reid at least offered up an understandable excuse for his indiscretion, “when you give these speeches as often as I do, you kind of run out of things to say. So I borrowed most of the one from two years ago, it worked didn’t it?”

Just because he’s a likeable guy, we’ll let that one slide for Big Red.

Nick Sirianni Forgets To Call Play Because He’s Staring Into a Camera

The head coach of the Eagles is certainly an interesting man, and he is prone to certain… eccentricities as we have seen during his tenure with the team.

He knows how to find a camera but he suffers an embarrassing gaffe as the Eagles suffer a delay of game penalty because he lost himself in his reflection on one of the broadcast cameras.

Of course it could be worse, he could have lost track of time yelling at the fans behind the bench.

Kendrick Lamar’s Halftime Show Receives Universal Praise

We’re convinced that this halftime show is going to be phenomenal, no ifs and or buts about it.

Perhaps it might even break the trend of the best shows like Prince, GaGa, U2 and others still having the contrarians say “it sucked.”

You know Kendrick is going to go off!

Super Bowl Party Ruined By One Guy Who Relates Everything Back to Australian Sport

You never want to be labelled “that ____ guy” at a Super Bowl party because whatever descriptor gets used, it’s never flattering.

There is the food guy who is inhaling wings doused in buffalo sauce at 9:00am and bursting out of his brand new but somehow already stained jersey he picked up at Rebel Sport on the weekend before the anthem wraps up.

The drinks guy shows up with a case of some cheap American beer that was on sale at the bottle shop and walks about saying “how good are Monday morning beers?”

He’s definitely the one that will soil himself at some point during the game and will become “shits himself guy.”

Unsurprisingly, we think there is nothing wrong with having a punt on the Super Bowl as long as its done responsibly, so you don’t want to be the over the top bettor guy.

The one who has 3 stopwatches timing the national anthem length, loses his mind when the coin toss comes up as heads and screams at the Chiefs for running on their first offensive play.

You can have a bet without acting like a moron at the party.

While he might think he’s being useful, the “know it all guy” loves to tell people how long he’s been following the game, why it was better in the good old days and calling out plays before they happen is just a nightmare to sit next to.

So choose wisely, especially because his early 2000’s Patriots jersey probably smells really bad and is falling apart in all the wrong places.

But none of those monikers are as offensive as being the “relates everything back to Australian sport guy.”

Sure there are some similarities between the games, but we don’t need to hear how Kelce has been watching the NRL when he tries a lateral pass, or a punter tries something out of the AFL playbook.

Not to mention when the references get stretched to talk about how the kicker looks like Steve Smith going through his routine before batting for the Test team.

Record Number of Cities Admit to Hate Watching Game

While two regions will be watching the Super Bowl hoping for the best possible outcome, this game should draw in a healthy audience of hate-watchers.

You know the people, the ones who claim to be done with the NFL every weekend because their team sucks or they lost their fantasy matchup.

With Kansas City and Philadelphia facing off, we could see a record number of people watching this one through tears in their eyes.

Across the five and a half states of New England, Patriots fans will be desperately hoping Kansas City cannot top their achievements by winning three titles in a row.

Meanwhile, Chicago Bears fans will have their Caleb Williams jerseys on, hoping he can turn into even half the quarterback of the guy they passed up for Mitch Trubisky.

Over in the NFC, the likes of Dallas, Washington, New York and others will be desperately hoping their division rivals don’t win another title.

They were bad enough the first time after all.