The Kansas City Chiefs are BORING.

The Kansas City Chiefs are BORING.

Dylan Leach

Did you ever see The Leftovers?

It was a definitely very good, possibly great show that I stupidly watched during COVID.

The concept of the show is that one day, out of nowhere, 2% of the world’s population just disappeared.

How would the world deal with that?

The show was really good and occasionally fun.

You could see the genius in the show through the real command that it had of the incredibly grim world that it created.

It was intricate and tantamount to genius, but it was often also a bit dull and incredibly hard to watch.

That’s how I feel about watching the Chiefs, on both sides of the ball.

I am aware that they’re 4-0 and going for a three-peat.

Andy Reid is still a savant and Patrick Mahomes is still the best quarterback in the NFL, though he’s playing terribly at the moment, Steve Spagnuolo and Chris Jones are still game wreckers on defence.

And yet, watching their games is like watching the Guilty Remnant smoke cigarettes and Westboro Baptist Church-style picket funerals.

I get it.

This is genius.

Congratulations, or whatever.

I’d rather gouge my eyes out than watch another minute of it.

But before focusing on the Chiefs, the point should be made that NFL offensive football is boring at the moment.

The league is stocked with young quarterbacks who are confused by brilliant defensive minds that are tuning even experienced quarterbacks into Checkdown Charlies.

Prior to Week 4, this was the first year since 2008 that there was fewer than 20,000 total passing yards of offence per Diante Lee.

Offensive production is in a nadir.

Some quarterbacks, though, are fighting through it.

Josh Allen is still box office, Matt Stafford and Geno Smith haven’t seen a tight window they didn’t think they could fit a ball into.

A couple of the younger guys like Jordan Love and CJ Stroud refuse to take only what the defence gives them and have the novel idea of throwing the ball past the sticks.

The game between Seattle and Detroit on Monday night was a good example of offences gritting their teeth and chucking the ball down the field, as well as getting chunk plays on the ground.

Patrick Mahomes is not one of the quarterbacks fighting through it.

36 quarterbacks have thrown a pass in the NFL this season.

Mahomes is 35th in average depth of target and 31st in average depth of target vs the sticks and is also last in air yards.

The most elastic armed, most fun quarterback that has possibly ever played in the NFL is playing like Washington-era Kirk Cousins.

If you need four yards, he’ll throw you six and if you need eight yards, he’ll throw you six.

And it’s not just Mahomes, the whole offence is a plodding unit.

The Chiefs are 13th in EPA/play but third in success rate, which means that they are generally successful at moving the ball down-to-down but don’t make a lot of explosive plays.

Thanks stats, I also have eyes and could have told you that.

Here’s simpler stat: the Chiefs haven’t scored 30 points yet this season.

However, I wouldn’t be telling the full picture if I didn’t point out that the personnel for the Chiefs is not great.

Taylor Swift’s boyfriend has basically been kept in the garage for most of the season.

They might need to wheel him out and have him play a bit in the regular season for as long as it takes for their only good receiver, Rashee Rice, to get back.

Their best running back, Isaiah Pacheco, is injured and Hollywood Brown, their big free agent addition, might not play all year.

Their only marquee, not 35-year-old player is speedy rookie receiver Xavier Worthy from Texas.

My suspicion is that he was mainly drafted as a wind-sprints player, at least for this season, to clear space underneath so the Chiefs can get some RAC as well as some gadget stuff.

Well, it’s time to learn to play receiver, buddy. He’s going to have to catch some balls on those deep routes, as he did this week.

But the numbers show that those deep balls are few and far between.

And it’s not like Josh Allen has elite offensive personnel outside of James Cook, and he’s still looking downfield and making thows like these consistently.

Almost the only exciting part of watching the Chiefs offence is watching Mahomes turn the ball over.

He’s second in the league in turnover worthy plays this season, and is second in the league in picks with five on the season.

His latest one, a deplorable throw to Kelce, also led to him ramming his shoulder into Rice’s knee and injuring him.

Not good.

At least last year the defence was fun.

They were one of the youngest defences in the NFL by snap-weighted age and, particularly in the playoffs, they were cooking up crazy stuff.

This year, while the Chiefs blitz at basically the same rate as they did last season and are generating heat on the quarterback, currently leading the NFL in QB knockdown percentage and fourth in hurry percentage, they have only got eight sacks for the year – 22nd in the NFL through four weeks.

They also have the lowest interception percentage in the league and are 24th in total takeaways.

Like the offence, the defence is just not making splash plays.

In terms of numbers, the defence is comparable to the offence in terms of EPA/play, sitting 14th, but they are less successful on a down-to-down basis sitting 22nd in success rate.

It’s like both sides of the ball for the Chiefs are playing bend but don’t break football.

Just stay close enough and Mahomes will bail us out seems to be the ethos.

So, look, I know the Chiefs are 4-0 and are going for a three-peat which they’ll probably get.

I know that they’ll probably get it because Mahomes, Reid, Chris Jones, and Spags are so great.

I know.

I also know that Dune is a great movie.

I’ll tell you what else I know: I can appreciate the artistry of Dune and also that it’s f**king boring.

 

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