Have you been making a list? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you checked it twice? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m 29 now, so I want to move from a Dyson vacuum to a Shark. Maybe you have a more exciting list.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe you\u2019re an adult who games. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I understand that they exist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The NFL is heading down the stretch too and seems like the Wildcard spots are going to come down to the wire in both the AFC and the NFC. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With that, the teams that are currently just out of the playoff picture could be relying on a Christmas gift to give them a boost over the last month of the season. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would be on their lists? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first three teams currently out of the playoffs as we head into week 14, I\u2019ll tell you.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here is a Christmas wishlist for the teams that are in the hunt for a wildcard spot. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Houston Texans: An acceptable offensive line<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n At 7-5 and with C.J. Stroud coming back, the Texans are alive largely on the back of their ferocious defence.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Their offence has mostly been average, however with just a 42% offensive success rate in Stroud\u2019s return. A lot of that, even with the improvements this season, is still driven by a bad offensive line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Woody Marks has shown himself to be a fine player and Stroud has been a good under centre player action passer in his career already, especially when throwing to Nico Collins.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n If they found a functional offensive line under the tree, you\u2019d be able to ride this rocket ship to the moon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Pittsburgh Steelers: A mass psychosis event where everyone is surprised by them doing the same stuff every week for 20 years.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Related: the Steelers have spent the list 15 years playing a lot of man coverage out of single high and three safety looks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n They don\u2019t change this at all irrespective of what players the other team has. Again relatedly, elite receivers have destroyed them this year by tearing man coverage to shreds.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Offensively, it\u2019s a different tune but they\u2019re generally playing the same song as Aaron Rodgers consistently throws the ball instantly to mediocre receivers, mostly on hard to complete fade routes.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Nothing changes week to week in Pittsburgh and asking for it to would be like asking your parents for a horse for Christmas. It ain\u2019t gonna happen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of that, let\u2019s just brainwash the rest of the league so what they do is surprising and unbeatable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Kansas City Chiefs: The entire defensive infrastructure taking the substance, but it working<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Even though Patrick Mahomes clearly doesn\u2019t want to get under centre and they have no running backs to hand the ball to unless you love watching Kareem Hunt, the Chiefs\u2019 offence is playing well, sitting third in EPA\/play. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This year, the Chiefs defence is a problem. They sit 21st<\/sup> in defensive EPA. Chris Jones is having his quietest year for years,<\/a> defensive co-ordinator Steve Spagnuolo\u2019s can\u2019t fashion quarterback pressures out of thin air like he used to, with the Chiefs sitting 16th<\/sup> in pressure rate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Generally, they can\u2019t make any splash plays with just ten turnovers on the year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It feels old and stale on the defensive side of the ball. If they could take some potion to make themselves young and hot again that would help!<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Detroit Lions: A shaman who is particularly good at fixing sporting injuries <\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n The last two years, the Lions have been ravaged by injuries.<\/a> This year the biggest one has been Kerby Joseph who may never return to being the All-Pro that he was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You add to that the fact that Detroit doesn\u2019t move people like they used to in the run game, in large part because the interior of their offensive line has faded. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s the fix to that? Your old legendary centre, Frank Ragnow coming back? <\/p>\n\n\n\n That would work, right? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n He tried to come back but somehow didn\u2019t realise he had a grade three hamstring strain and failed a physical.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Physically the Lions are a mess. I think they\u2019re beyond a physio and, frankly, western medicine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Try a shaman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Aaron Rodgers might know one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It can\u2019t make anything worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Dallas Cowboys: A cornerback who isn\u2019t as consistently flustered as Old Gill.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Against all the odds, Jerry Jones has this defence functioning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n His hatred for, and subsequent trade of Micah Parsons has turned into dominant interior presences Quinnen Williams and Kenny Clark, while Osa Odighizuwa has continued to improve.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Since week 10, Williams\u2019 first game with the Cowboys, they are top 7 in both rush EPA and success rate with their ass kickers up front.<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, they still really struggle to defend the pass when they don\u2019t get a sack, sitting just 19th<\/sup> in defensive passing EPA. <\/p>\n\n\n\nAFC<\/strong> <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
NFC<\/strong> <\/h2>\n\n\n\n