{"id":74318,"date":"2025-05-14T10:30:04","date_gmt":"2025-05-14T00:30:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/?p=74318"},"modified":"2026-07-03T10:29:54","modified_gmt":"2026-07-03T00:29:54","slug":"the-premiership-metrics-as-told-by-pulp-fiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/2025\/05\/the-premiership-metrics-as-told-by-pulp-fiction\/","title":{"rendered":"The Premiership Metrics as told by Pulp Fiction"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Great and Powerful Andrew Whelan from WheeloRatings \u2013 the non-AFL club employee\u2019s answer to Champion Data\u2019s which is bizarrely kept from the public &#8211; updates what are called the premiership metrics every week.<\/p>\n<p>These metrics are a collection of numbers that recent premiers have ended the season in the top-6 of in the home and away part of the season in their premiership year.<\/p>\n<p>Gold star to all the Will Huntings who know that correlation does not equal causation.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>But it doesn\u2019t change the fact that there are a few numbers it\u2019s important to be good at if you\u2019re going to win the premiership, and Wheelo has identified them.<\/p>\n<p>These are the metrics after Round 9 of 2025.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">\ud83c\udfc6AFL Premiership Metrics after Round 9<\/p>\n<p>With the footy \/ Territory:<br \/>1\ufe0f\u20e3Gold Coast<br \/>2\ufe0f\u20e3Western Bulldogs<br \/>3\ufe0f\u20e3Adelaide<\/p>\n<p>Without the footy:<br \/>1\ufe0f\u20e3Collingwood<br \/>2\ufe0f\u20e3Carlton<br \/>3\ufe0f\u20e3Hawthorn <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/ulODHOlGbW\">pic.twitter.com\/ulODHOlGbW<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Andrew Whelan (@andrew_whelan) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/andrew_whelan\/status\/1921531124234571783?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 11, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>In this column, I\u2019ll run through every team\u2019s chances according solely to these metrics using quotes from my 10<sup>th<\/sup> favourite movie of all time \u2013 <em>Pulp Fiction.<\/em><\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cIt\u2019s the one that says bad mother**ker\u201d \u2013 Gold Coast, Collingwood, Hawthorn, Adelaide<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Pulp Fiction - bad mother fucker wallet scene\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/NUuwd8Z0l_4?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>According to the numbers, these are the baddest mfers in the competition.<\/p>\n<p>If the goal is being top six in as many of these metrics as possible, then these four teams are the ones acing the brief.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re the only four who are in the top third of the league both with and without the ball.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Jamie Elliott has SIX!<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/AFLFreoPies?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#AFLFreoPies<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/TkV3Hd59Vn\">pic.twitter.com\/TkV3Hd59Vn<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; 7AFL (@7AFL) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/7AFL\/status\/1920458778920509652?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 8, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>At this point in the season, one of these teams is most likely to pull a Jules at the end of the season and become the shepherd, leading the rest of the league down a path to their own premiership glory.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Tryin Real Hard To Be The Shepherd\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Mh3Wftae0c0?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cBecause you are a character doesn\u2019t mean you have character\u201d \u2013 Carlton, Bulldogs, Brisbane<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Because you are a character doesn&#039;t mean that you have character.\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/YgxACD-rL5c?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Raquel seems to <em>have<\/em> character based on our minute with her.<\/p>\n<p>At least, you can\u2019t be a stool pigeon to run a demolition place where LA\u2019s criminals come to destroy cars that were obviously in some way involved in some crime.<\/p>\n<p>At least in a mafia sense, that\u2019s character.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, I\u2019m getting sidetracked.<\/p>\n<p>These three teams are characters, but they lack character.<\/p>\n<p>In footy, that means that they\u2019re good fun and good at some things, but they\u2019re not substantial \u2013 at least til this point in the year.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re elite on one side of the ball \u2013 with it for the Dogs and without it for Carlton and Brisbane.<\/p>\n<p>Their lack of character shines through in the sense that they\u2019re out of the top-six on the other side of the ball.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">MCKAY SEALS IT. CLUTCH.<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/AFLSaintsBlues?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#AFLSaintsBlues<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/wNXniKZcgT\">pic.twitter.com\/wNXniKZcgT<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; 7AFL (@7AFL) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/7AFL\/status\/1920816335547744465?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 9, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cLet\u2019s not start sucking each other\u2019s d**ks quite yet\u201d \u2013Essendon, GWS, St Kilda, Richmond<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"let&#039;s not start sucking scene from Pulp Fiction!\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Qr_4pv41oTM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>These teams are probably excited to have won as many games as they have, but the numbers tell us that the wins are probably masking some more significant holes.<\/p>\n<p>GWS, Essendon, and the Saints are all either in the eight or are a game out but the metrics tell us that they\u2019re the 10<sup>th<\/sup>, 15<sup>th<\/sup>, and 13<sup>th<\/sup> best teams, respectively.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">5 WINS OUT OF THEIR LAST SIX GAMES \ud83d\ude32 <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/iNsB0s6AqU\">pic.twitter.com\/iNsB0s6AqU<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; 7AFL (@7AFL) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/7AFL\/status\/1921125720081789185?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 10, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Richmond is a little bit different.<\/p>\n<p>There was some talk that this Tiger outfit would be one of the worst in league history and may not win a game, but they\u2019ve won three before June.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Divine finish from Rhyan Mansell \ud83d\udc4c <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/jCbJR9a1w0\">pic.twitter.com\/jCbJR9a1w0<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Richmond FC \ud83d\udc2f (@Richmond_FC) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Richmond_FC\/status\/1921426678980673703?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 11, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>But, perhaps more than any other team, they need to heed Mr Wolf\u2019s advice irrespective of whether he says please.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Pulp Fiction - &quot;Pretty Please with Sugar on Top...&quot;\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/dMRap8SjQ-I?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Despite winning three games, the metrics tell us this is still the second worst team in footy.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cI\u2019m American honey, our names don\u2019t mean s**t\u201d \u2013 Geelong, Sydney<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Pulp Fiction | &#039;What Does It Feel Like to Kill a Man?&#039; (HD) - Bruce Willis | MIRAMAX\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/WO2q1iQX2UA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Both Sydney and Geelong were either in the prelim or the Grand Final last year and are probably two of the three best clubs in recent footy history.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">JAKE RICCARDI PUTS THE GIANTS IN FRONT!!!<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/AFLCatsGiants?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#AFLCatsGiants<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/3VcwAEainV\">pic.twitter.com\/3VcwAEainV<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; 7AFL (@7AFL) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/7AFL\/status\/1921475008817156436?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 11, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>But this year, those names, that pedigree, mean as much as Butch\u2019s word that he\u2019ll go down in the fifth.<\/p>\n<p>Both of them have been overwhelmingly mediocre this year, the eighth and ninth best teams in footy by the numbers.<\/p>\n<p>Only Geelong is at the level with the ball, and even then they are having real problems with territory.<\/p>\n<p>Unless something flips, neither side\u2019s name or magnificent recent history means s**t.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cNo marriage counselling, No trial separation. I&#8217;m gonna get f**king divorced. And I don\u2019t wanna get f**king divorced!\u201d \u2013 Fremantle, Melbourne, and Port Adelaide<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>Okay, look.<\/p>\n<p>That scene in the movie has aged badly.<\/p>\n<p>Not just for its liberal use of a certain word by a white guy, but also because the white guy \u2013 actor Quentin Tarantino \u2013 is so clearly the worst part of the movie.<\/p>\n<p>Tarantino is such a bad actor it\u2019s almost unbelievable.<\/p>\n<p>The way he delivers the line \u201cI\u2019m the one who buys it. I KNOW how good it is\u201d is one of the only moments of unintentional comedy in the movie.<\/p>\n<p>Butch\u2019s girlfriend\u2019s performance is way better.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Butch &amp; Fabienne  10\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/qsFbytJcslo?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Anyway this one isn\u2019t complicated. All of these teams\u2019 numbers are exactly as bad as they feel watching them, which isn\u2019t true for some teams.<\/p>\n<p>These are terrible sides that will or should soon be in the market for new coaches. Port Adelaide is actually in a trial separation and do want a divorce, but they shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Freo and Melbourne are not officially in a trial separation yet, but like Bonnie and Jimmy, if things don\u2019t get fixed soon they\u2019re heading for disaster.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">&quot;There&#39;s no world that he won&#39;t coach round one next year?&quot; &quot;Absolutely not.&quot; \ud83d\udfe3\u2693<\/p>\n<p>Freo CEO Simon Garlick confirms coach Justin Longmuir will stay on into 2026, saying he&#39;s doing a &quot;phenomenal job&quot;.<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/AFL?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#AFL<\/a> on ABC listen: <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/VP2GGbfgge\">https:\/\/t.co\/VP2GGbfgge<\/a><br \/>Live blog: <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/7ImBLbvnYp\">https:\/\/t.co\/7ImBLbvnYp<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/OlgcuBfQMl\">pic.twitter.com\/OlgcuBfQMl<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; ABC SPORT (@abcsport) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/abcsport\/status\/1918253345954816251?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 2, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>These are not good sides.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cIf my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions\u201d \u2013 North Melbourne, West Coast<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"If my Answers frighten you Vincent then you should cease asking scary questions\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/LKS6xy87ewk?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>The scary question is are we ever going to be good again?<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\">\n<p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">THE GAME SAVING TACKLE! TOM BROWN! \ud83d\udc4f <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/5tK08QPvcR\">pic.twitter.com\/5tK08QPvcR<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Richmond FC \ud83d\udc2f (@Richmond_FC) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Richmond_FC\/status\/1921445110228844547?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 11, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Great and Powerful Andrew Whelan from WheeloRatings \u2013 the non-AFL club employee\u2019s answer to Champion Data\u2019s which is bizarrely kept from the public &#8211; updates what are called the premiership metrics every week. These metrics are a collection of numbers that recent premiers have ended the season in the top-6 of in the home&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":74320,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,8298,344],"tags":[29,8260],"hub_post_cat":[],"class_list":["post-74318","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-australian-rules","category-guywholikessport","category-sports","tag-afl","tag-guywholikessport"],"acf":{"md_tip_date":null,"md_tip_date_end":null,"md_market_url":"","tip_date":"14\/05\/2025","event_country":"Australia"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74318","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=74318"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74318\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":87776,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74318\/revisions\/87776"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/74320"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=74318"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=74318"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=74318"},{"taxonomy":"hub_post_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/hub_post_cat?post=74318"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}