Friday night footy, traditionally, is the AFL\u2019s showpiece game and the one that usually has the most interest and eyeballs nationally.<\/p>\n
<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Now, granted, across the first 14 weeks of the season there are 13 Thursday night games, most of which appear to be pretty interesting, but the title of the column is the title of the column. It just sounds better than the Prime Time Standalone Game Watchability Index.<\/p>\n<p>As an aside, the AFL\u2019s embrace of the Thursday night game feels to me like two things: one, a lust for TV ratings unparalleled by even the horniest of incels; and secondly, the AFL\u2019s shrewdness in realising that Friday is a work from home and do nothing day for most office workers.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, the parameters of the game are simple.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to rank each team\u2019s by how watchable they would be if they played on a Friday night (or in prime time generally).<\/p>\n<p>I appreciate that Friday Night Footy is usually the home of big Melbourne clubs, so this game has to assume that everyone is getting a prime-time game (and it\u2019s not the bloody Melbourne Mafia running the show).<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m ranking these teams by game style and personnel, but also by drama and intrigue.<\/p>\n<p>All it is, in essence, is asking which team would you be most interested in watching in prime time?<\/p>\n<p>If two top-tier teams are playing each other, it\u2019s clear your calendar areas and if two bottom-tier teams are playing, watch the Kayo mini and stop neglecting your family.<\/p>\n<p>You get it.<\/p>\n<p>I will tier rank the teams 1-18, with 1 being the most watchable and 18 being the least.<\/p>\n<p>In the interests of brevity, I\u2019ll also compare each team to a movie and limit myself to a two-sentence maximum to explain the link and\/or the ranking.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to keep a version of this gimmick going the whole season.<\/p>\n<p>Heading into a full weekend of games, I\u2019ll rank every game that is set to be played by how watchable it is from a neutral fan\u2019s standpoint and give the week a movie comparison and a sentence like I\u2019m doing here.<\/p>\n<p>Onto the list.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>Start a fight with your partner that is so big it will require them to vent for at least 4 hours out of the house. You don\u2019t want to miss the pre and post-game.<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p> <\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Collingwood \u2013 Training Day<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Fun, watchable, and relatively likeable despite itself. A genius at the centre of it all.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. GWS \u2013 Barbie<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 You won\u2019t believe how good it is. Just try it.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Barbie | Main Trailer\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pBk4NYhWNMM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Adelaide \u2013 John Wick 2.<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Better than the original. All gas, no fucking brakes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4. Carlton \u2013 Saltburn<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Might be really good or really bad. No choice but to watch either way.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>7:40 pm start time means early dinner. No canoodling.<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p><strong>5. Brisbane \u2013 Oppenheimer<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Supposed to be transcendent. Might just be okay.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Oppenheimer | New Trailer\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/uYPbbksJxIg?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>6. Sydney \u2013 Se7en<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Down the last time out but undeniably talented and very likely to return to top form.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7. Gold Coast \u2013 James Gunn going to DC movies<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Subscribed to the idea that a Messiah can fix everything. The underlying talent is there, though.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8. Richmond \u2013 The Departed<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 \u201cThe old guy\u2019s still got it\u201d season incoming.<\/p>\n<p><strong>9. Hawthorn \u2013 The Talented Mr Ripley<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Full of young stars that are about to peak. The main character is a smart sociopath.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>\u201cHey babe, want to watch this game with me? We could do a joint multi based on how hot the players are?\u201d<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p><strong>10. Geelong – Wedding Crashers<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Ageing badly. Still good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11. Western Bulldogs \u2013 Napoleon<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 A talented lunatic at the top. But the talented lunatic seems more intent on proving his lunacy than his talent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>12. Essendon \u2013 The first half of Wolf of Wall Street<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Off the rails in a fun way.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Party \/ The wolf of wall street\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/7qSEW_qO4q8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>13. Port Adelaide \u2013 The second half of Wolf of Wall Street<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 On the come down. Not as fun anymore.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Jordan Wrecks His Car Official Clip\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/B7ovzMfcB8k?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>14. West Coast \u2013 J. Edgar<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 An absolute calamity, except for one piece.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>\u201cHey babe, want to go to the pub and watch the footy? No? Me either.\u201d<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p><strong>15. Melbourne \u2013 The Exorcist<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Praying that a tortured production full of fatalities might lead to something great.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"THE EXORCIST - Trailer - (1973) - HQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/YDGw1MTEe9k?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>16. North Melbourne \u2013 Maestro<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 A bit sick of hearing about the genius of the director\/coach, especially if this is what they\u2019re devoting their genius to.<\/p>\n<h1><strong>\u201cSure, I\u2019d love to have dinner with your friends. I also think Abbie Chatfield is funny.\u201d<\/strong><\/h1>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/content.api.news\/v3\/images\/bin\/810a68bf8014c6aa195ab9a1af7bc548?width=2048\" alt=\"Abbie Chatfield's FBoy Island gig cements her as the new media superstar and reality TV expert | The Australian\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>17. Fremantle \u2013 Five Nights and Freddy\u2019s<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 Who cares?<\/p>\n<p><strong>18. St Kilda \u2013 The Zone of Interest<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022 I\u2019d rather watch a movie about Rudolph Hess\u2019 home life than a Ross Lyon team. It would be cheerier.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":60839,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,8298,598,344],"tags":[29,8614,1329,8724,8260,3094],"hub_post_cat":[],"class_list":["post-60838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-australian-rules","category-guywholikessport","category-special-interest","category-sports","tag-afl","tag-afl-2024","tag-australian-rules","tag-friday-night-football","tag-guywholikessport","tag-opinion"],"acf":{"md_tip_date":null,"md_tip_date_end":null,"md_market_url":"","tip_date":"05\/03\/2024","event_country":"Australia"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60838","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=60838"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60838\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/60839"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=60838"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=60838"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=60838"},{"taxonomy":"hub_post_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neds.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/hub_post_cat?post=60838"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}