One of the great Australian sporting events returns this weekend, with Bathurst back in full flight with fair-dinkum, true blue, dinky-di Aussie rev heads have their pilgrimage to Mount Panorama for the Bathurst 1000 this weekend.
Whether you are a serious Supercars devotee or simply want to embrace the cultural phenomena that is Bathurst, we’ve prepared a guide to make sure you’re ready for the great race.
(1) No Political Correctness
The only pronouns used at Bathurst are Ford/Holden and maybe “Youse”
Making the trip to Bathurst is a “Safe Space” from anyone who watches and tweets to Q and A on the ABC, zero carbon emissions, mask mandates, no one has anything to say about the Essendon CEO situation and/or cares about what Pedestrian.TV or Junkee thinks is problematic.
Ask what is Woke, and people will ask if that’s a new racing team.
There won’t be one Tesla parked on the camping grounds of Mount Panorama, people will be perfectly fine with Grid Girls and zero vegans will be in attendance so there will be no organic products, fake meat or soy lattes.
In fact, any espresso coffee is questionable.
Bathurst is a place to be a fair dinkum Aussie, to be a larrikin, enjoy a few tins, enjoy a laugh and watch the Supercars do their thing.
We don’t get many opportunities for this kind of thing these days, long may Bathurst prosper!
(2) Absolutely No Craft Beer Under Any Circumstances and Plenty of Black Rats
There’s a reason that “Team Stone and Wood” and “Team Heaps Normal Non-alcoholic IPA”, and not even attempting to bring Furphy will be excepted if you’re camping out on the Mountain.
It’s either a Milton Mango, Blue, Vitamin B, and/or Suburban and Coke that’s on offer.
There’s no shortage of black rats either.
The drinks are best served in an icy cold can and preferably with a custom-made stubby holder saying “THE BOYS ARE BACK AT BATHURST 2021”
(3) Ford Fans in one corner, Holden on the Other & Nissan Fans are Arseholes.
Bathurst has two tribes
You’re Ford or you’re still Holden – even if this will be one of the last times a Holden goes on the mountain.
Then there’s also the clip that gets a run every single year of when Jim Richards won for Nissan in 1992.
At least Jim went to bat for Nissan with that infamous speech.
“I’m just really stunned for words, I just can’t believe the reception.
I thought Australian race fans had a lot more to go than this. This is bloody disgraceful. I’ll keep racing but I’ll tell you what, this is going to remain with me for a long time.
You’re a pack of arseholes.”
(4) Luxurious Accommodation & Loose Units
If you’re going to Bathurst properly, you’re going to camp.
You’ll drink tins, enjoy a barbie and then you’ll carry on like an absolute loose unit in the camping grounds for the rest of the race.
Belinda Carlise was right, heaven is a place on earth.
(5) Grid Girls
While Bathurst is a PC Free Zone, Supercars are trying to water down the role grid girls play at events.
At the start of 2018, Supercars made this statement on the iconic grid girls:
“Supercars is focused on being respectful and ensuring the sport is presented in a professional manner which reflects modern-day societal standards,” corporate affairs general manager Cole Hitchcock said.
“The engagement of male and female brand ambassadors is subject to regular review based on these standards.”
There are still some grid girls and they do a great job and provided you’re not a dickhead around them, everyone has a good time.
(6) Kangaroos
With Bathurst being one of Australia’s premier international sporting events, what better way to show how uniquely Australian the great race is with Kangaroos getting on the track during the great race?
(7) Crashes
It’s a fact of life that motorsport has crashes.
But let’s face it, you can’t look away.
(8) A Thrilling Finish
Is there anything more exciting than the final lap of Bathurst going down to the wire?
Let’s hope after a solid sesh on Sunday we’re on the edge of our seats during the final lap.
There’s nothing better.