What To Expect From The European Super League

The sport of football was rocked this morning with the news 12 of Europe’s most powerful clubs are planning on forming a breakaway European Super League.

This should end well.

Unsurprisingly fans have come out against this proposed evolution to club football at the highest level with Gary Neville offering one of the most popular takedowns of the new format.

We have done some digging and found out some key elements of this new tournament for Europe’s superpowers… as well as Arsenal and Tottenham.

It Will Mostly Be About Money

Try and hide your shock at this theory, clubs that normally make a lot of money are now trying to make more money.

Want to know why these “founding member” clubs are so determined to break away?

They’ve got to pay their €100m+ transfer fees for mediocre fullbacks somehow.

Things Will Run Smoothly With No Complications

Ask any rugby league fan how a breakaway competition called “The Super League” goes.

VAR Will Officiate The Whole Match

Look, it’s worked so well to date, why not just let it replace the on pitch referees?

Think of the broadcast sponsorship opportunities, “that VAR offside decision was brought to you by Bobby’s car dealership, now for the restart presented by Frank’s Italian Coffee. Our stoppage time accumulator is brought to you by Michel’s authentic French croissants and is currently at 23 minutes after 28 minutes of play, the game should be finished by next Tuesday at this rate.”

People Will Joke About Arsenal Finishing 4th… And They Won’t

It was the gift that kept on giving for the better part of a decade, Arsenal and fourth place.

But anyone who has watched the Premier League in the last few seasons would know that the Gunners are not the fourth best club in England anymore… maybe the fourth best in London?

It is almost fitting that this desperate grab for relevancy comes out on the same day Arsenal drew against RELEGATION BATTLERS FULHAM.

Surely the only reason the other clubs were happy to accept the Gunners as one of the founding members is because they know it will be an easy three points most weeks.

Considering they are probably a few years off sniffing the Champions League again, this is the only way to have those European nights against Barcelona, Real Madrid and Juventus… all while shipping six or seven goals per match.

Stan Kroenke has to pay for his NFL palace in Los Angeles somehow though.

Tottenham Will Never Win Another Trophy

They last won an English league trophy in 1961, sure they made the Champions League final in 2019 but there’s a reason we have all of those trophy cabinet jokes about the other club in North London.

Chances are they will put the pressure on the good teams for a while before fading away.

Clive Palmer Will Try and Enter Gold Coast United

He’s tried his hand at football before, surely it will end on better terms this time?

If the Super League’s slogan is not “We Kick Harder” then there really is no point progressing until it is.

South Melbourne Will Apply For Entry

How could any football competition exist without the Oceania Club of the Century South Melbourne FC?

Sure South Melbourne and its fans will label this competition plastic, fake football and the people behind it a cartel, but when applications open up, they will absolutely try and barge their way to the front of the line because of their “history” in the game.

It Will Be Played In Qatar

FIFA awarding the 2022 World Cup to the Gulf nation doesn’t seem so stupid now does it?

Actually, the Super League will probably have some of its matches played in front of 5% full stadiums in Qatar as a way to pick up some extra cash.

Australia Will Win the World Cup

Remember when it was a bad thing that Australia was not producing any players involved with Europe’s biggest clubs?

We are now!

FIFA has threatened to ban players from these clubs from competing in tournaments like the World Cup, severely denting the hopes of the traditional powerhouse nations.

Get ready to see Graham Arnold hoisting the World Cup next year.

We Will Never See A Super League Match Played

The clubs want a bit of extra money, UEFA is looking to overhaul the Champions League and Europa League.

Much like Rugby League’s Super League war, this will end with some tentative agreement to avoid an all-out conflict.

Who would have thought the Germans would have the most measured response to the whole thing?