15 Reasons Why India Doesn’t Want To Play in Brisbane

REPORTS have emerged that the Indian Cricket team are unhappy about the prospect of heading up to the Sunshine State for the fourth Test match of the summer if it requires them to work within a quarantine bubble.

Teams having to quarantine and live in bubbles is very much the new normal in the current climate and the agreed biosecurity measures put in place in Brisbane are exactly the same as it is in Sydney.

Of course, the fact India’s Test record of 5 losses, 1 draw and 0 wins at the Gabba has ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING to do with it.

While there have been unconfirmed reports that the BCCI has written to Cricket Australia to advise they don’t want to make the trip to the Gabba, we can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the actual reasons why the ain’t so keen on Bris-Vegas.

(1) The Weather

Yeah, because the Indian Cricket Team wouldn’t have any idea what it’s like to play in humidity. 🤷‍♀️🤷

On the other hand, storms in Brisbane are quite the event and can be scary. That’s a fair shout.

(2) Quarantine rules won’t let them visit Streets Beach

Streets Beach at South Bank Parklands in Brisbane - ABC News (Australian  Broadcasting Corporation)

While the Sunshine State has some of the greatest beaches in the world, Bris-Vegas has it’s iconic Streets Beach in Southbank by the river.

It’s all the benfits of a pool with a beach atmosphere.

You too would be furious if you went to Brisbane and couldn’t go for a dip down at Streets beach.

(3) They Won’t play out of solidarity for Perth not getting the AFL Grand Final or any Test Cricket this Summer.

CONSPIRACY THEORY:
WA Premier Mark McGown and City of Perth Lord Mayor Basil Zempalis has gotten in the ear of the BCCI to boycott the Brisbane test as an act of revenge. Might be something in that?

(4) They hate the taste of XXXX

Cricket Australia and XXXX Gold sign four-year sponsorship deal | The Drum

This is considered an act of treason in the Sunshine state.

Rumour has it Jasprit Bumrah prefers Great Northern.

(5) They don’t even like Breaka Lime Milk

limemilk Instagram posts (photos and videos) - Picuki.com

They haven’t lived!

(6) They are furious the rides at the Myer Centre in Queen Street Mall are no longer.

The dragon roller coaster that was within the Myer Centre within Brisbane’s Queen Street mall has been out of action for the good part of 20+ years.

Anyone who grew up with the Dragon coaster knows it was the heart and soul of the city.

While Queen Street Mall is without its Dragon Rollercoaster, the 24/7 Hungry Jacks is still going strong.

Burger King in AUS = Hungry Jacks | Where's Amanda Now?

(7) Brisbane hasn’t been any good since Expo ‘88

Perhaps Brisbane did reach its peak for six magical months back in 1988, but the sprit of Expo lives on in the city, especially in Southbank.

While Rishabh Pant may not ride the Monorail to the Canada exhibit and look at the Ken Done art sculptures, there’s still a lot that Brisbane quarantine hotels have to offer.

(8) Their favourite watering hole The Chalk Hotel (which is right near the Gabba) has been shut for years.

The Chalk Hotel at Woolloongabba has gone into receivership.

The Stanley Street pub hasn’t been open since 2015 and apparently was a favourite amongst the Indian players and officials, along with a few of our colleagues (given we are a Brisbane based business) back in the day.

(9) – Some players are blacklisted on the ID scanners in the Valley and Caxton Street

Queensland's nightclub ID scanning laws slammed by patrons, bouncers - ABC  News
Caxton Street & The Barracks - Visit Brisbane

Being on “the list” with the ID scanning company that does the check ins in prominent Brisbane nightlife spots such as Fortitude Valley and Caxton Street can spell doom for anyone that likes to go out an have a good time.

One can only assume that hitting up the Cakko or RG’s in the Valley after a days play isn’t allowed as part of the Quarantine biosecurity bubble the players would be put under.

(10) They’d Rather be on the Gold Coast

Your Guide to Surfers Paradise | Discover Queensland | Discover Queensland

Typical.

Such a tourist-ty thing to say.

If we let them stay on the Goldie, give them a three-park superpass as part of the bubble and they can bare the hours drive up the M1 to the Gabba would that be a comprimise?

(11) Players and officials are split between the Northside / Southside suburban divide.

Moving To Brisbane - Removalists Brisbane by Roadrunner Removals

There is no bigger issue amongst the residents of Brisbane quite like Northside and Southside and it could be that India’s Cricket players and officials are also split as to where they stand on this highly contentious issue.

(12) The team can’t meet Agro

Agro is still the biggest celebrity that the city of Brisbane has to offer and you’d think the touring team would be permitted to mix with royalty.

The current restrictions will not allow them to meet with Agro, Ann-Marie or Ranger Stacy.

(13) The traffic on the Bruce Highway

Holiday traffic hell: Major highways slow to a crawl | Daily Mercury

The Bruce can be bloody awful, especially with everyone getting back from the Sunny Coast after a holiday weekend, or anytime really.

It’s a fair shout but they really shouldn’t struggle to get a hotel near the Gabba which should mean they can avoid the Bruce, unless they want to get up for a day trip to Noosa after the Test.

(14) Not allowed to swim in the Gabba Pool

Pool Deck Returns for Gabba Internationals | Queensland Cricket

The pool isn’t even in action this summer and rumour has it that the BCCI is furious, hoping it could double up as the pavilion when batting.

(15) Australia hasn’t lost at the Gabba since 1988

Surely this CAN’T be the real reason.

Surely not!