Overnight the news filtered through that football’s 2020 Ballon D’Or will not be awarded due to the ongoing pandemic.
There is no way we could let the season go by without honouring some of the best moments in the world game.
So here we come to fill the void with the first (hopefully) annual Ballon d’Neds awards.
The Alexis Sanchez Award
Despite billions of dollars being thrown around by clubs buying and selling players, sometimes things don’t work out.
Remember when Manchester United paid Alexis Sanchez around £500000 per week?
This year that award goes to Real Madrid who unveiled big money signing Eden Hazard, who cost them a reported transfer fee of €115million (approx. A$187.551m) plus a weekly wage of around £400,000.
— Real Madrid C.F. 🇬🇧🇺🇸 (@realmadriden) June 14, 2019
All that cash for 21 appearances and 1 goal.
The McGregor-Khabib Undercard Audition
Lost in the madness of March when everything was getting shut down worldwide, we saw one of the most bizarre matches from the Copa Libertadores Group Stage.
The all Brazillian match featuring Gremio and Internacional devolved into utter chaos as fights, scuffles and disputes broke out between players, substitutes, staff members… actually pretty much everyone involved in the match except the guy with the whistle who was just left standing there wondering what to do.
The Frank Farmer
The 2019/2020 season has been so crazy around the world that you forget before the Premier League kicked off, Mesut Ozil and Sead Kolasinac were attacked in London by a couple of guys on a scooter with a knife.
We saw why Kolasinac is called The Tank though, he stands there, unflinching while being threatened, looking like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard.
Ozil on the other hand just drove off at the first opening, similar to him fleeing his defensive responsibilities.
“Who you are gonna call?”
Newly released video of aggression on Kolasinac and Ozil shows Kolasinac totally indifferent to stabbing attempts with machete.
New medical tests shows that global warming can be fought with Kolasinac blood pic.twitter.com/55ZMKfbOBI
— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) November 7, 2019
The Taylor Swift
At least Ozil still has one friend in the Arsenal team. He’s managed to make plenty of enemies.
Maybe we could give him the benefit of the doubt when he fell out with Unai Emery but when the same thing happened with Mikel Arteta, you had to ask the question, maybe it was something to do with Ozil?
If he can go full Taylor Swift he might get a number one album out of this breakup.
Arsenal coach Mikel Arteta has explained why Mesut Ozil has not featured once since the season resumed last month.
— Kick Off (@KickOffMagazine) July 18, 2020
Living the Dream?
We all know Gareth Bale isn’t the most popular player at Real Madrid but he’s certainly not complaining about his situation.
Consigned to the bench with minimal first team involvement, he seems more than happy to turn up, train, collect a payslip and go golfing.
His efforts tweaking Zinedine Zidane and the Madrid hierarchy have been most impressive this season.
🏴 Celebrated with a “Wales. Golf. Madrid. In that order.” flag
🏌️♂️ Constantly does golf poses during training sessions
😂 Has the biggest club in the world on absolute strings
Happy Birthday Gareth Bale 🎂 pic.twitter.com/Z3bOJ5SkLe
— ODDSbible (@ODDSbible) July 16, 2020
Who says he’s not interested in Real Madrid’s matches?
Gareth Bale is having the time of his life on the bench for Real Madrid 😂 pic.twitter.com/Oe2FnTwFBd
— ESPN FC (@ESPNFC) July 13, 2020
At least he was able to wake up and join in Real Madrid’s trophy celebrations…
😅 Don't think Gareth Bale wanted to be involved in the celebrations! pic.twitter.com/D7JS25DXJN
— SPORF (@Sporf) July 16, 2020
In Any Other Job…
It’s been a rough season for Arsenal, dropping a league high 21 points from winning positions so far and quite a lot of the blame can be attributed to one man: David Luiz.
When he signed for the club in August, it was a match made in heaven given his calamitous efforts for Chelsea, PSG and Brazil.
Let’s start with deciding to run by Mo Salah instead of tackling him.
Same old Mo Salah.
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) August 24, 2019
Then there was this penalty concession against Watford late in the match help the hosts draw level.
David Luiz at Chelsea: 3 penalties in 160 Premier League games
David Luiz at Arsenal: 2 penalties in 4 Premier League games
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) September 16, 2019
He marked his return to Stamford Bridge with a red card 26 minutes into the match.
You couldn't script it 🤦
David Luiz is sent off on his return to Stamford Bridge with Arsenal!
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) January 21, 2020
This is not a defensive error but how was he allowed to keep taking free kicks after this?
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) January 12, 2020
Then after three months away, he had an eventful 25 minute cameo against Manchester City.
24' David Luiz comes on 🔁
45+2' Mistake for the first goal 🙃
49' ANOTHER mistake, and a red card 🔴
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) June 18, 2020
Perhaps most impressively, after all that ARSENAL EXTENDED HIS CONTRACT!!!!
Never change Gunners, please.
Goal of the Season
Ok we should do some positive stories as well, starting with this goal of the season contender, what a hit.
Have you seen a sweeter hit of a ball?! 🚀
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) July 16, 2020
Honourable mention has to go to Nikolai Topor-Stanley for this optimistic hit which came off perfectly… apparently he’s a left footer?
— Hyundai A-League (@ALeague) July 11, 2020
Best Post Match Interview
There’s a lot to love about the story of Wycombe Wanderers reaching the Championship but nothing more than Adebayo Akinfenwa who only added to his cult following with this post match interview.
"Four years ago I stood here unemployed…"
Wycombe reach the Championship for the first-time in their 133-year history.
38-year-old Adebayo Akinfenwa gives the best post-match interview you'll ever see.
— Optus Sport (@OptusSport) July 14, 2020
The Truth is Never Mean
The VAR system has attracted plenty of criticism worldwide but the best might have come from Wellington Phoenix player Louis Fenton whose rant may as well have come straight from Sokkah Twitter.
"IT'S F***ED!" 🤬🤬
Most athletes are good at playing a straight bat when commenting on controversy, then there's Louis Fenton! 😂
— Fox Football (@FOXFOOTBALL) November 3, 2019
The Defence Attorney
There’s an old saying among trial lawyers, never finish your closing until you think you have convinced everyone of your argument.
Robbie Slater did his best impression of Perry Mason after October’s Sydney Derby, trying to explain whether or not the ball crossed the goal line citing camera angles, physics, maths and possibly a little bit of French.
Robbie Slater be like "I know a spot" pic.twitter.com/kqEVx5yYJ7
— Daniel Phimphisane (@DPhimphisane) June 30, 2020
Lost in the aftermath was his efforts trying to expand on his thoughts a couple of days later.
"I got absolutely slammed. I'm talking pulverised on social media!"
Robbie Slater thinks his VAR analysis was 'misinterpreted' by fans.
— Fox Football (@FOXFOOTBALL) October 28, 2019