With the AFL drip-feeding the 2020 fixture to the media before it’s eventually released later in the week, we’ve managed to find out the who, what and where for your club next season.
ADELAIDE
Due to the mass exodus at the Club, the Crows will utilise audience participation and allow the first 15 Adelaide Members to enter the gate the chance to play for them.
Skills, fitness not required. Please bring your own boots.
Please, no references to Crow Camp.
BRISBANE LIONS
The 17 other clubs have requested not to play the mighty Brisbane Lions (proudly sponsored by Neds) at the Gabba knowing they will get their pants pulled down.
The Lions mean business in 2020 and will play anyone, anywhere, anytime.
All other AFL clubs may as well pencil in their matchup against the mighty Brisbane Lions (proudly sponsored by Neds) as a loss.
CARLTON
The second half of the season saw Carlton play some exciting and competitive football.
The club has requested to play on Friday night’s again – but can you trust them again?
Carlton is single-handedly responsible for running prime time football for a period of time and should be tread with caution if putting them on this slot.
They’ve ruined Friday night football and they can do it again.
With that in mind, the AFL has put Carlton down for 22 Friday night games in 2020.
The Blues are back where they belong!
COLLINGWOOD
Collingwood will get a good run home in 2020 with many games at the MCG which should put the Pies in a position to break the hearts of their fans in either a preliminary or Grand Final come September.
ESSENDON
The Bombers will play a special “2004 Elimination Final Reunion” match celebrating the special 17th anniversary of their most recent finals win against Melbourne way back in 2004.
The Dees will be their opponents and the game will give a lap of honour for those brave Bomber players who had won a final for the club prior to the match.
It will also be 20 years since they last won a premiership but the club has decided to focus on celebrating that elimination final win back in 2004 instead.
FREMANTLE
Fremantle will only play at 4:40 pm on a Sunday tucked away where no one can see them.
Sure there’s Nat Fyfe and they might play a better style of football under new coach Justin Longmuir but who really wants to watch Freo play?
The answer is – No one.
GEELONG
Geelong have requested 11 home games at GMHBA Stadium
They will be getting 10 home games at the MCG and 1 home game at GMHBA Stadium which is likely to be re-scheduled to the MCG.
GWS
The GIANTS will play a home game against the Tigers as the 2019 Grand Finalists meet again. They are hoping to crack a massive crowd of 10,000 at GIANTS Stadium.
The strategy of playing in Canberra at night in the middle of Winter will continue with the annual snow match to be now played against Melbourne, adhering to stereotypes.
GOLD COAST
Every single AFL Club has requested to play the Suns twice, preferably in the lead up to finals.
HAWTHORN
The Hawks will play GWS and Gold Coast in Tasmania to rub it in the local’s face that these two regions have AFL clubs and they don’t.
MELBOURNE
We could make a joke about the Dees requesting a home game in Mount Buller but that would be a boring, lame and predictable joke.
Melbourne was such a letdown last year.
Sure they’ll get Queens Birthday, Anzac Eve but really they should be grateful they are even allowed on the MCG in the first place given the crap they dished out.
NORTH MELBOURNE
As always, North Melbourne will play where they are bloody well told to play.
PORT ADELAIDE
Port Adelaide, or “Port” “The Power” “Porty” “P-A” “The Pear” “The Power” has one wish for 2020.
In order to please their massive Chinese fan base, Port have requested not to play in Hong Kong.
RICHMOND
Yet again the AFL has favoured Richmond by giving them home games at the MCG (which has been their home ground for 55 years) and they won’t even get a game against the team that’s won two out of the last three premierships because of VIC BIAS.
They’ll even play away games at the MCG against clubs they share the MCG WITH. DISGRACEFUL.
Richmond also faces a tough road trip to play St.Kilda at Marvel Stadium.
Typical AFL agenda to give Richmond a free path to another premiership. Disgraceful. VIC BIAS.
ST.KILDA
To fit in with China’s one-child policy, the Saints one-premiership policy will go well when they play Port Adelaide in Shanghai.
SYDNEY
Nothing reeks more of 1 pm Sunday than a Swannies game at the SCG.
WEST COAST
The Eagles plan to ruin their top-four hopes again by playing at home and losing in Round 23. They’ll also have an annual sook about the Grand Final being played at the MCG by Round 3.
WESTERN BULLDOGS
The Bulldogs have won a flag, final more recently than the Bombers and were rather competitive towards the end of last season but do you think they’ll return to Good Friday football again?
No.
That goes to Essendon because, AFL logic.