12 Adelaide Crows Coaching Candidates

12 Adelaide Crows Coaching Candidates

Dylan Leach

Another one bites the dust as Don Pyke announced today he was stepping down as coach of the Adelaide Crows.

Pyke had some success with the Crows, taking them to the 2017 Grand Final (which they lost) but it’s been all downhill since then with the ghost of the infamous pre-season camp amongst other things has come back to haunt them. 

Some say it was a sacking, others say it was off his own free-will, whatever the case,  someone else will need to fill the void as top-dog at West Lakes. 

We’ve had the list of candidates and their pros and cons leaked to us and we present our list of 12 Adelaide Crows Coaching Candidates.

(1) Michael Voss

PROS:
– Legend of the game.
– Respected assistant coach at Port Adelaide
– Has experience winning premierships as a player
– Already lives in Adelaide

CONS:
– Damaged goods. If you’ve coached a team previously and you got sacked, you’re clearly not good if previous AFL coaching hiring logic is anything to go by. 
– Has to live in Adelaide.

(2) Brad Scott 

PROS:

  • Did a pretty good job with North Melbourne
  • Is great for reaction GIFs
  • Like his brother, can get quite surly and angry and therefore is highly entertaining.
  • Will coach for food.
  • Wants to deck David King.

CONS:

  • Has just been recently sacked by North Melbourne
  • Coached North for a decade, no premiership cup 
  • Is a Scott brother.
  • Responsible for the pre-finals bye by resting eight North players before the 2015 finals series. 

(3) Ross Lyon 

PROS:

  • Will let the cobblers do the cobbling
  • Will support the person and challenge the behaviour.
  • Wants to make Adelaide a no excuse football club.” 
  • Believes that Failure is feedback.”
  • Anyone, anywhere, anytime…no complaining about the Grand Final being at the G
  • Thinks no magic here, it’s all about unrelenting action.
  • Believes It’s never as good, never as bad as it seems.

CONS:

  • Entertainment and Football don’t mix when Ross is boss
  • Might have HR issues at the Christmas party.
  • Has an excellent collection of Runner up medals. 

(4) KG and Cornesy 

PROS:

  • SA Icons
  • Known for good chemistry
  • Never short of an opinion on the Crows
  •  Cornesey was foundation coach of the club.

CONS:

  • Bring back firewalking in the pre-season 
  • would ask for 5AA callers to give their views on team selection 

https://youtu.be/9tu25jyZ6q4

(5) Humphrey B. Bear 

PROS:

* Is a funny old fellow
* Is all about learning and having fun
* South Australian icon 

CONS:

  • Doesn’t wear pants
  • Would give the players the silent treatment even if they win. 

(6) Nick Kyrigos 

PROS:

  • Doesn’t know who Tex Walker is
  • Not afraid to say what he thinks

CONS: 

  • Passionate
  • Tex Walker thinks he’s a Gallot and a peanut. 
  • Still has no idea who Tex Walker is
  • Would cost the club a heap in fines having a go at the umpiring department. 
  • Inconsistent form with so much potential…actually, he’d be perfect for the Crows. 

(7) Kane Cornes 

PROS:

  • Would be the first coach in history to coach via Twitter.
  • Has an excellent relationship with Tex Walker
  • Would be the first Father/Son Adelaide Crows coach. 

CONS:

  • Is a Port Adelaide person
  • Is Kane Cornes. 

(8) Christopher Pyne 

PROS;
* Needs new job after a lifetime in politics
* He’s a fixer. He fixes things.
* Claims to be an “Election winning machine.” Can he transfer that into football?

CONS:

  • The man’s never touched a Sherrin in his life 

(9) Wayne Weidemann

PROS:

  • Cult hero
  • Grouse Mullett

CONS:

  • None 

(10) Tony Modra 

PROS:

  • Is Tony Modra 
  • Is there any other reason?

CONS:

 * Can’t be a Neds Legend anymore 

(11) Malcolm Blight 

PROS

  • Is the Messiah
  • 1997/98 Crows Premiership coach.
  • Has excellent moustaka. 
  • Is basically a god in South Australia. 
  • Not afraid to give proper, honest feedback just ask David “Pathetic” Pittman. 

CONS:

  • Couldn’t give a Rats Tossbag. 

(12) Collective Mind Blokes 

PROS:

  • Excellent chance to make more jokes about Adelaide’s pre-season camp.

CONS:

  • Playing Footy blindfolded might not work.
  • Power Ranger stance is next to useless.
  • Singing the Richmond theme song after a Crows win might not make sense.