18 New MasterChef Judges

Gary, George and Matt are gone from MasterChef, taking with them 11 years of memories, tears and scandals… ok that last one is mostly George.

The question now is where to next for the one time ratings empire as they prepare for a new season in unknown territory.

The good news is we have managed to obtain an internal memo about some of the contenders to take over the judging spoons in 2020 with their thoughts on the candidates.

(1) Larissa Takchi

PROS:

  • 22, so probably won’t demand a big wage
  • Can clearly cook
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Won’t remember her by the time next season airs
  • Same applies for pretty much every other past MasterChef winner

(2) Gordon Ramsay

PROS:

  • VERY famous chef, instant name recognition
  • Creates possibility for new show, MasterChef: Uncut, which would just be him swearing at contestants
  • Been a guest on MasterChef before
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Probably couldn’t air most of his worthwhile footage until after 10:30pm
  • Possible Fair Work violations being committed on camera if he’s just yelling a lot?

(3) Curtis Stone

PROS:

  • Already hosted 2 other cooking shows
  • Owns a Michelin starred restaurant
  • Already spokesperson for Coles
  • Isn’t being investigated by Fair Work (that we know of)
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Might distract from the food with that winning smile
  • He did do this

(4) Marco Pierre White

PROS:

  • Possibly the best chef in the world, was definitely the first celebrity chef
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Scary, scary man
  • Would he want to come to Australia to film a full season?

(5) Miguel Mastre

PROS:

  • Very energetic
  • Already contracted to Channel 10 through The Living Room
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Would score everything a 10/10
  • Filming would take double the time now with him going on tangents
  • Cameras would struggle to track him running around the kitchen

(6) Maggie Beer

PROS:

  • Awesome name
  • Can cook just about everything
  • Hosted plenty of TV shows
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Little to no controversy attached so dare we say it… a bit boring?

(7) Mikey Robbins

PROS:

  • Loves his food
  • Very funny man
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Will make us miss Good News Week

(8) Iain Hewitson

PROS:

  • Many fond memories of his “original” cooking shows on 10 like Huey’s Cooking Adventures
  • Could probably bring back Bi-Lo?
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Has walked away from TV roles
  • Previously blasted MasterChef over “fancy pants food”

(9) Dougie the Pizza Boy (aka Diarmid Heidenreich)

PROS:

  • Is available, hasn’t done anything since playing Trevor Gunson on Home & Away in 2015
  • More pizza cooking challenges
  • Everyone loves a redemption story
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • May require sponsorship deal with Pizza Hut
  • Doesn’t really look like Dougie the Pizza Boy anymore

(10) Fatty Vautin

PROS:

  • Will go head first into the hosting role
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Currently contracted to Channel 9
  • More of sport guy than food guy
  • Might struggle with spicy food challenges

(11) Bear Grylls

PROS:

  • Would come up with some interesting outdoor cooking challenges
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Can he work with traditional ingredients?
  • Might insist on presenting in the bushes outside the MasterChef kitchen
  • Really don’t want to see him make the contestants cook with their own pee

(12) Bobbie Flay

PROS:

  • Dated Ari’s wife on Entourage, huge plus there
  • Also been in Step Brothers
  • Done plenty of cooking challenges on TV
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Might insist on competing in challenges himself

(13) Wolfgang Puck

PROS:

  • Not afraid of a camera
  • Has been a guest on MasterChef USA
  • Been in plenty of movies and tv shows including Step Brothers and Las Vegas
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Was in the tv series: Las Vegas

(14) Guy Fieri

PROS:

  • Was once the face of the Food Network in the USA
  • Plenty of restaurant experience

CONS:

  • The hair
  • The wardrobe
  • He’s very loud & a bit of a hardo

(15) Chairman Kaga

PROS:

  • Hosted Iron Chef for years
  • Knows how to bring a dramatic flair to the show
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Played a character who knows food, might really stretch his acting skills

 

(16) Lebron James

PROS:

  • Clearly not focused on the Lakers
  • May give up halfway through filming claiming “injury”
  • Looking to escape the Ball family after trading Lonzo
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Probably going to be ridiculously expensive to sign
  • Will insist on drinking wine during filming, ratings board may have issues with that
  • Space Jam 2 may ruin his off court career… if this video doesn’t

 

(17) Adam Richman

 PROS:

  • Once hosted Man vs Food
  • Can down ridiculous quantities of whatever is put in front of him
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Got to be some health concerns after downing that much food in his career

(18) The Swedish Chef

PROS:

  • A favourite for all ages
  • Is not George

CONS:

  • Can’t understand a damn thing he says