Sports fans, we need to address the elephant in the room.
Tennis fans are the daggiest, most cringeworthy and lamest group of sports fans on the planet. Period.
Now, sure we are experts and can’t get enough of the sport every year when the Australian Open comes around.
There’s no doubt we want to be part of the “Barty Party” and have caught a bit of “Millmania” in recent times, and we all love a good pile-on whenever Bernie or Nick show an inch of personality.
But this how we, the general, broad sports-loving public feels when it comes to Tennis in Australia.
I’m not talking about you.
I’m talking about Tennis fans.
The people who like Tennis and Tennis only.
They exist, they are weird and come from a kind of daggy cult that those involved with the Hillsong Church would even think are a bit well, lame.
It’s a scientifically proven fact that people who watch and follow only one sport are weird and can’t really be trusted.
Tennis is full of these people.
You know the ones.
They are the first to get the tickets to the Australian Open every year, wear a Roger Federer “RF” hat (even though he’s no longer with Nike), have posters of either Raffa or Novak on their walls and swear by “tennis etiquette” like its gospel.
The proof in the pudding of my theory that Tennis fans are indeed lame is within the match itself, and what they consider to be funny.
Why go to a Comedy Club for a laugh when you can go to the Tennis?
If a ballkid doesn’t throw the ball back correctly to a player, the whole court is in hysterics.
If a ballkid gets hit – which is considered classic slapstick in my books – people are concerned for their welfare.
Hold on to your sides. This is the “funniest” thing you’ll ever see!
And what about the post-match interviews on the court?
Forget about the greats of comedy like Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais, Eddie Murphy, Monty Python…they’ve got nothing compared to the witty banter of any on-court interview with Jim Courier or John McEnroe.
Who needs Abbott and Costello or Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis when you’ve got the amazing comedy routine of Jim Courier and Roger Federer.
Someone on YouTube has created a montage that’s 27 minutes long of how funny their on-court interviews are.
I better strap my sides before I laugh myself silly with all the zany banter between the two!
Who needs Hamish and Andy when you’ve got Roger and Jim?
If this is the funniest thing you’ve ever seen, then you’re really struggling.
Then, there’s the “cheer squads” at the Tennis.
You know, The Fantatics?
But it’s not just the Fanatics anymore, there’s been a factional split in the lame Tennis cheer squad and tour group industry – a rival group has been set up called “We the People”
For an active fan group, their chants such as “let’s go Aussies, let’s go” and their classic from back in the day (to the tune of No Limits by 2 Unlimted) “Lleyton, Lleyton, Lleyton, Lleyton, Lleyton, Lleyton Hewitt” gives Hi5 a run for their money in plain and boring chants.
The players they are cheering are even noticing that their chants are crap.
Ash Barty (Who we all hope gets up tonight) got stuck into the Barty Party about their chanting earlier in the year during the Australian Open.
“I’ve got to say I’ve had a cheeky look at the Barty Party Twitter page and a few of the chants were pretty good,” Barty said.
“I think we need a few more than three though so you guys have got a bit of homework to do,”
Some say she was joking, but Ash Barty was speaking for everyone.
Unfortunately, the “Barty Party” can’t even bring themselves to chant “C’ mon Barty, let’s go party”.
— Rod Laver Arena (@RodLaverArena) January 22, 2019
— Steph Anderson (@_StephAnderson) January 16, 2019
When it comes to chanting, this is as good as it gets for lovers of Tennis.
Along with crap chants, these groups wear awful T-shirts, attract a weird mix of trust-fund kids and self-funded retirees and choose to do loud cheering at a sport where the umpires tell the crowd to be quiet.
If anything, it’s a blessing in disguise that Australia has not gone deep into the Davis Cup of recent years preventing a spread of lame fanatics cheering disease.
All sports have their charms, quirks and unique aspects to their fans.
All sports have things that are quite daggy and lame associated with it.
It’s just that Tennis fans are the lamest of them all.
The thoughts of The Neds Nudge/Dylan Leach aren’t quite that of Neds. If you are outraged by this, you’ve taken the bait. Let’s go Barty…let’s go!