Ten Relocation Options for the Cronulla Sharks

How do you solve a problem like Cronulla?

The only thing that’s Up, Up Cronulla is debt, salary cap penalties and crisis after crisis.

Perhaps it’s time for the Sharks to leave the shire and start afresh. 

With that in mind and the NRL looking into expansion, we’ve come up with a list for 10 new locations the Sharks can call home.

1 – MOONEE PONDS SHARKS

 We all know that Prime Minister Scott Morrison loves “The Sharkies”.

Just ask him.

He points it out all the time.

“Mr. Prime Minister, what’s your take on the state of the economy?”

“Go Sharkies” says Sco-Mo.

“Prime Minister – what do we do about climate change?

“Go Sharkies”

And so on and so forth.

But with an election coming up and Bill Shorten the hot favourite to take the keys to the Lodge what if he took Sco-Mo’s beloved Sharkies with him?

Despite being Victorian, Bill Shorten is also known for his convincing love and knowledge of Rugby League.

With the Melbourne Suburb of Moonee Ponds being in Bill Shorten’s electorate, the Sharks could become the city’s second NRL Team.

They would have a ready-made stadium playing at Moonee Valley Racecourse and can make Dame-Edna Everidge and Shorten their respective number one ticket holders.

2 – MANUS ISLAND SHARKS 

There has been a push for PNG to have a team in the NRL and what better place than Manus Island. 

While it’s not the Shire, it would still hold a special place in Sco-Mo’s heart, he’d be able to sign up his good mate Peter Dutton as club member and there’s no doubting that Paul Gallen would love the lifestyle up there. 

Should the Sharks end up relocating to Manus Island, there may be issues in finding accomodation and the Sharks woud not be allowed to travel back into Australia for away matches.

3 – DUBBO SHARKS

The Sharks could always stay in New South Wales and relocate to the iconic town of Dubbo – right in the heart of the State.

Dubbo is known for Orana Mall, the Taronga Western Plains Zoo, Centro Dubbo and is screaming to have an NRL team to call their own.

They would call Caltex Park home  which of course hosted the memorable City v Country clash in 2006.

It’s not the first time Dubbo has had a major sports team – who could forget the Dubbo Globetrotters? 

And Dubbo is a town with the big-picture in mind, their bid for the 1988 Olympic Games was also a case of Dubbo showing the world what it is made of. 

4 – PERTH SHARKS 

Perth has Optus Stadium.

Perth has penty of sharks at Cottesloe Beach.

Perth is hosting game two of this years State of Origin series.

Perth is a bloody long way from the shire.

Perth has the West Coast Eagles and ex-West Coast Eagles players who can show the Sharks boys a good time. 

Perth has proven Rugby League pedigree and have been desperate for the game to return since the Western Reds were punted back in 1997.

5 – NORTH SYDNEY BEARS-HARKS 

Ever since they were dumped by Manly, the North Sydney Bears have been Rugby League’s answer to Prince Charles simply waiting for someone to be dethroned in order to participate in first-grade Rugby League again.

With the Crounlla Sharks liquidation sale where everything must go, now is the time for Norths and the Shire to unite to establish one super Footy team.

6 – TASSIE SHARKS

Tassie has long been denied a professional football team – be it AFL or the A-League.

Now is the time for the Apple Isle to embrace Rugby League and the Sharks to call it home.

They would already have a fan in the biggest sports fan in Hobart and social media superstar, Bev, from “The Bev Show” who would no doubt give a few “YIPPIDA-DI-DIPITY-DOS” “WHOO-HOO-YOU BEAUTY”  “CRACK-A-LACKIN FORM” and would be delighted when they play Storm “THOSE PESKY MELBOURNIANS”

Paul Gallen and Bev – together at last.

7 – BEIRUT SHARKS

Just imagine it, Channel 9 News has broken the story that the Sharks have relocated to Lebanon and some Shire resident drapped in Aussie Flag cape and a singlet with “WE GREW HERE, U FLEW HERE” is interviewed. 

He says “FIRST THEY TAKE OUR BEACH. NOW THEY TOOK OUR FOOTY TEAM.”

But given Lebanon has provided Rugby League with some fine players such as Robbie Farrah and Mitchell Moses, they are worthy of a team in the national captial.

Not only that, it would be an awesome away trip and have you tried a Houlumi-Cheese Pie? They are outstanding.

They’d be a riot – literally.

 

8 – IPSWICH SHARKS 

Reloacte to Queenlsnad.

The Sunshine State.

Enjoy the beaches, the surf, the women.

But the Sharks have to go to Ipswich.

Out – ScoMo In- Pauline.

9 – PUNCHBOWL LOAN-SHARKS 

A team that’s gone from having zero interest, into high and compound interest.

A team who’s injury list includes lost thumbs and broken kneecaps.

A team that has heaps of Baseball Bats in the club rooms but does not play Baseball.

A team where if you don’t pay your Membership fees by Monday, you’ll be sorry.

A team with no salary cap issues – it’s all paid in cash. 

10 – STAY IN CROUNULLA 

The Shire is a wonderful place.

Who could forget that Channel Ten series – The Shire?

And Up, Up Cronulla just wouldn’t sound the same.

In the words of our Prime Minister – “GO SHARKIES!”