It’s the age-old question in sport that has baffled super-fans, commentators, league pundit and taxi drivers. How in the hell did some of these players get picked?
Given Australia’s distinct sporting culture and unique location, we seem to attract a relatively high percentage of clowns in Aussie sporting codes.
Don’t consider this the final list, but with the AFL/NRL season about to kick-off here is a sample of some of the clowns who have made a name for themselves on and off the field.
Todd Carney (aka The Bubbler)
The former Dally M player of the year was back in the spotlight in time for the kick-off for the 2018 NRL season. It’s rumoured that the NRL bad-boy will sign a one-year deal with the North Queensland Cowboys. Carney chose to return to the NRL after knocking back a deal with English Super League club Hull KR.
The five-eighth is no stranger to controversy after stints at Canberra Raiders, Sydney City Roosters and Cronulla Sharks. Carney was famously sacked by the Sharks for an incident in a bathroom. Carney has signed with the Cowboys feeder club, Northern Pride and is determined to not be remembered as ‘the bubbler.’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRaKlzxMl2E
NSW Cricketers (aka Steve Smith’s Mates)
I’ll let you on in on the running joke going around Australian cricket circles, you can only play in the baggy green if you wear a baggy blue. Australian skipper Steve Smith may be the best batsman since Donald Bradman, but the Australian captain has been accused on more than one occasion of helping his mates get into Steve’s Team.
Nothing divides Australians in the summer like the fortunes of the national cricket side. Unfortunately, if your favourite player comes from outside NSW, then your chances of seeing him in the Baggy Green decrease by 25.473%. NSW holds all the cards when it comes to Australian selection, just ask Glenn Maxwell and friends.
North Korean Open Golfers (aka Two Aussie Mates from Brisbane)
So, picture this, you are with your best mate at a polo tournament in Beijing, enjoying a cold beer and he asks the timeless question of what activities to partake in for the weekend. Why not participate in the North Korean Golf Championships for a bit of fun? North Korean Dictator, Kim Jung Un didn’t take too kindly to these Aussie lads taking the piss at his annual international event.
These two Aussie lads were determined for an adventure, that they bluffed their way into the game by convincing officials they were members of the Australian golf team. With their fake uniforms, they joined 85 other international players participating in official duties before hitting the course. The jig was up when both players managed to hit a score of 120. The guys managed to leave the country unharmed and have knocked back an invitation to the Pyongyang Invitational Pro-Am to be held later this year.
Derrick Rose (aka The Adidas Albatross)
Derrick Rose signed for his fifth NBA franchise in two years when he linked up with the Minnesota Timberwolves this week. The executives at Adidas will be happy to get some bang for their buck after a lean couple of seasons. Rose was the poster boy of the league back in 2008, the former No.1 Draft pick was crowned the youngest ever NBA MVP at 22 years of age.
It’s hard to believe that Rose was being talked about in the same conversation as Michael Jordan, but the executives at Adidas saw a bright future for years to come. The German shoe giant signed Rose to a 14-year deal valued $185 million. While Rose hasn’t had much court time since 2009, his extended family and distant friends continue to profit from one the dumbest sponsorship deals in sports history.
Nigel Owens (aka All-Blacks 16th Man)
If you believe the hype Nigel Owens is the greatest referee since the invention of the game. The All-Blacks and Richie McCaw love him, as the Kiwi’s have never lost a game that he has officiated. If you’re a Wallabies fan or Michael Cheika you would have a few issues with the way he runs a game of rugby. The Wallabies have never won a Bledisloe Cup game when Owens has been the man with the whistle. The numbers don’t lie with Owens constantly having shafted the Wallabies with some shocking decisions.
Bernard Tomic (aka Tomic the Tank Engine)
Tomic the tank engine is a decisive figure in Australian sporting circles. The former tennis player drew the ire of Australian sports fans after his failure to qualify for the Australian Open. Minutes after his loss to unknown Lorenzo Sonego, Tomic told reporters that he would go home and count his millions. The one-time tennis player attempted to make a name for himself on reality TV but folded after a couple of days on the small screen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUYB64RYxRY
Any Gold Coast Sport Team
The Gold Coast may be an idyllic holiday spot, but it’s the place where sporting careers go to die. The Australian sporting community has desperately attempted to make something of the Gold Coast and if it wasn’t for millions of dollars and support, the Suns and the Titans may have found a place in the sporting graveyard.
The list of sporting tragedies on the sunshine strip includes the Seagulls, Gladiators and Chargers in the NRL. The AFL tried with the Bears and now Suns. Clive Palmer gave soccer some hope with Gold Coast United and the Cougars and Rollers were never a chance in the NBL. Ice hockey, rugby union and baseball all had their moments in the sun over the years, but the Suns/Titans combination appears to be the best hope yet.
Karmichael Hunt (aka Special-K)
Karmichael Hunt was a star with the Brisbane Broncos and the broke new ground in the sporting world but making a successful transition to the world of AFL. Hunt signed with the Gold Coast Suns and had a decent run as an AFL player. The code-hopping star left the world of AFL, with ambitions of playing for the Wallabies and signed with the Queensland Reds. The former sporting triple threat sadly found the Brisbane nightlife more appealing and looks set to continue his rugby career in France.
1995 NSW Origin Team (The Unbeatables)
Queensland have been dominating Origin football in the same way that the All-Blacks have been crushing the Wallabies in the Bledisloe Cup. 1995 was meant to be a year that the Blues would dominate the series, with Queensland’s best players signing with the rival Super League. A Blues side packed with international superstars somehow managed to bottle the series 3-0 to a bunch of Queenslanders pulled off the street and led by coach Paul Vautin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu9C-g__gcw
Mark Bosnich (aka Bothered)
Mark Bosnich is the Aussie goalkeeper who had a career with some of the Premier League’s biggest clubs. To this day Bosnich remains the only player that Alex Ferguson signed twice at Manchester United. Bosnich fell in with the wrong crowd and according to Alex Ferguson, the Aussie keeper couldn’t be bothered with keeping on top of his weight issues.